Impact of Words in Relationship: Avoid Hurtful Words

Words have a tremendous impact in this world and they are a necessary medium to carry out worldly interactions with ease. As long as the spoken language remains in normality, only then is it beneficial. If it goes above or below normality, then such speech becomes harmful to others and to the self.

Param Pujya Dadashri has unfolded the science that explains the basis on which and the reason for sweet and bitter speech. When does bitter speech against any person come forth? Bitter speech or hurtful words come forth because one has negative opinions for that person. When the underlying opinions are washed and cleared, the speech improves and becomes sweet.

At times you may even think that not saying anything or suppressing your speech is a good idea, but that is not a solution. It is the same as compressing a spring, when the pressure that is built is released it can create an explosion. Instead you should try to reach an amicable solution. At the same time keep the inner intent that you do not want to hurt anybody with your words. You should say things that you would like to hear yourself. Project on to the world, as you would like. Whatever words you throw at others will eventually come back at you. You should speak such that when the words are returned to you, they are not harmful.

Words have the power to make or break relationships. Read on to learn more about the impact of words in relationships and watch your way of talking change.

Understanding of Speech

Pujya Niruma explains that effective speech not only conveys a message, but is presented in a manner which is appealing to the listener.

Spiritual Quotes

Words must be sweet or else they should not be spoken.
As long as your speech does not hurt anyone, there is nothing wrong in talking.
People have the right to criticize you. You do not have the right to criticize anyone.
Words are like money. Give them as you give money, by counting each one.
If you want to say something, make sure it is positive.
Correct speech is only that which is accepted by the other person. It is speech that suits the other person. You should speak in such a way that the other person will accept your speech.
What harm would you incur by lying? People would lose trust in you! And if people cannot trust you, then you’ve lost your worthiness [as a human]!!!
When you slander someone [talk negatively about people], you earn a debit in your account and that person will earn a credit. Who would do these kinds of business?
What does syadvaad vani (speech which accepts all viewpoints and never hurts anyone’s viewpoint) imply? It implies that you should speak in such a way that not only does it benefit five people, but it also does not cause any interference to arise in anyone.
When someone is using negative speech, do not ruin your own speech.
Every spoken word carries great risk. Therefore, it is better to remain silent if one does not know how to talk. Talking about religion carries religious risks, talking about worldly matters, carries worldly risks. The worldly risk will go away, but religious risk is very heavy; it creates grave obstacles in regards to religion.
In this world, no word is being uselessly spoken.
All the words thrown on to others will eventually fall on you, so speak such pure words so that pure words will indeed fall on you.
There is nothing wrong in saying something, but there should be no protection [insistence] that we are right.
How is power of speech (vachanbal) attained? It is when, not a single word is uttered to make fun of others; when not a single word is uttered for wrong selfish motives, material self-gain; when speech has not been misused; when speech has not been used to gain recognition or importance from others - that is when one's power of speech is attained.
If you say a word against a ‘sensitive’ person, it will have an immediate effect. In reality, words are simply a ‘record’ being played.
People make you retract spoken words but they do not understand [know] that speech is a record, so how can anyone retract it?
You will especially not find anyone who speaks bitterly to you. All the 'diseases' [worldly suffering] remains due to the sweetness. Bitterness will remove the disease, sweetness will increase it. Your life should be such that you will not have to listen to bitter words. If however, you have to listen to bitter words, then you should listen to it. It is always beneficial.
When you maintain silence, you would have said to have understood the world.
In this world, there is no such sternness like that of maintaining silence. Verbal sternness will be wasted.
However much silence you behold, that amount of intellect will stop.
How can the power of speech remain when you lie for your own ‘safeside’?
The words that we speak, they come forth even when we do not wish to. The prakruti [our relative self] dances and such a storm arises. It is only when countless ‘pratikraman’ is done, will the prakruti stop!
Where difference of opinions arises, to retract our words is a sign of a wise man.
If these words did not exist, then liberation (moksha) would be attained naturally and spontaneously. In this current era of the time cycle, it is indeed through speech that there is bondage. Therefore, not a single word should be uttered for anyone.
This entire environment is filled with parmanu (the smallest, most indivisible and indestructible particles of matter). That is why 'we' tell you, "Do not criticize (ninda) anyone. Do not utter even a single word irresponsibly. And if you must speak, then speak that which is good."
Even brahmins [people belonging to the caste who follow ritual practices] will not delve in the past and yet these intellectuals keep remembering, ‘This person cheated me. This man called me stupid!’ The flow of speech is like the flow of water. How can we ask it, ‘How did you come here tumbling down?’
(Spoken) words are considered an ‘expense’. ‘Speech’ should not be spent away. Speech is wealth. It should be 'counted' upon spending. Does anyone ever give out money without counting it?
It is necessary for those who are sensitive to remain silent. However, rather than remaining silent, it is much better if it is in your awareness that, 'How does my speech affect others?'
When does the foundation for speech which accepts all viewpoints and does not hurt anyone's viewpoint (syadvaad vani) arise? It is when the ego becomes zero, when the entire world appears flawless, when no fault is seen to the slightest extent of any living being, when no one’s foundation of religious beliefs is hurt to the slightest extent.
Sugar-coated words used in worldly speech make one slip (spiritually), and melodious speech which accepts all viewpoints and never hurts anyone’s viewpoint makes one rise higher (spiritually)!
Without purification of worldly interactions, speech that accepts all viewpoints and does not hurt anyone's viewpoints (syadvaad vani) will not come forth.
Where there is speech that accepts all viewpoints and does not hurt anyone's viewpoint (syadvaad vani), there is Knowledge of the Self (Atma Gnan). Where there is speech that accepts only one viewpoint, there is no Knowledge of the Self.
There is tremendous energy in the word ‘yes’ and tremendous weakness in the word ‘no’.
What is considered as satya (truth)? When no living being is hurt through speech, through external conduct and even through the mind, there are no bad thoughts arising for that person, that is the greatest truth of all! That is the most ultimate siddhant (established principle)! That is not the Real truth, but it is the most ultimate relative or worldly truth!
Sahajik (Spontaneous and natural) speech means there is not an iota of ego in it.
All that you speak is considered as egoism. Speech is open egoism. It is 'double the egoism' to say, "I have done, and I will do."

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