How to resolve relationship conflict?

Questioner: What should we do when we do not know how to speak? Should we remain silent?

Dadashri: Keep silent and watch what transpires. What do you do when you see children being mistreated in a movie? Everyone has a right to speak up but only in so far as what they say does not cause more conflict. Only foolish people will say things that make matters worse.

Questioner : Is it possible to dissipate a conflict by not saying anything and avoiding that person?

Dadashri : No it is not possible. You should speak with them if you encounter them. You should ask how they are doing. If they react with hostility, you should quietly try to resolve the situation with equanimity. Sooner, or later you will have to resolve the situation. Just because you do not speak with them, does not mean the problem has been resolved. It is because the problem has not been resolved that people end up not speaking with each other. Not speaking with the other person means there is a burden; the burden of the unresolved conflict. You should approach the other person and say, 'Tell me if I have done something wrong. I make many mistakes. You are a very intelligent person, you are learned and you do not make many mistakes but I am not as learned and so I make a lot of mistakes.' If you say this to other person, he will be appeased.

Questioner: What if he does not calm down even after I say this?

Dadashri: What can you do if he does not calm down? Once you say this to him, you are free. What else can you do? He will eventually calm down. You cannot pacify a person by reproaching him. He may appear to be pacified but he will make a mental note of it from within and will throw it back in your face when you least expect it. So, understand that his world is full of vengeance. The fact is people will continue to harbor vengeance; they will harbor parmanus (atoms) of revenge within so you must try to resolve the situation completely.