Questioner: I am not able to let go my teenagers become independent. I have no trust and have suspicions on them. What should I do?
Dadashri: I had cautioned a man once about his daughter. I told him that the present time is such that living in today's environment has negative effects on people and that his daughter was no exception. He understood what I told him, so when his daughter eloped with someone, he remembered me. He came to see me and told me that whatever I had told him turned out to be true and that had I not explained things to him, he would have killed himself over the matter. This is what the world is like. It is haphazard and people should accept that whatever happens is justice. Is a person to take his or her own life over such matters? No, that would be foolish. People merely hide behind their façades and claim to be noble.
A relative of mine had four daughters who were going to college. He was well informed about everything and expressed his concern about his daughters. He told me that since his daughters were now grown up and going to college, he could not trust them. So I told him that he should go to their college and follow them around, but how long could he keep this up. I told him he was foolish in not knowing whom he should trust and whom he should not. Instead he should explain to his daughters that they come from a respectable family and that it was their duty to uphold the reputation of the entire family. Parents should caution their children this way, and after that, whatever happens is correct. They should not be suspicious. So many people harbor suspicions. Those who have more worldly awareness have more suspicions. But where will such suspicion lead them?
Therefore, whatever suspicions arise in your mind, you should eradicate them immediately. You suspect your daughters even when they go out to have simple fun. Do these suspicions allow you to be happy?
Do not let suspicions take hold of you even when your daughter comes home late at night. It will be to your advantage to destroy your suspicions. What is the use of such unfounded mental anguish? Nothing can change in just one lifetime. Do not hurt your daughters and sons unnecessarily. Just tell them directly that they should not come home too late because it is not right for young adults of a respectable family to stay out too late. You should talk with them calmly and explain things to them, but you should not have suspicions about who they might be seeing or what they might be doing. If your daughter comes home late again, then again you should caution her in the same way. If you throw her out of the house, there is no telling where she will go. What will you achieve from this? Instead it is to your advantage to resort to a solution that is least destructive. And that is why I have told everyone that even if their daughters come home late, they should let them come in. Some parents are so strict that they will not let their daughters enter the house and dismiss them from outside. These are strange times, full of anguish and suffering. Besides, this is Kaliyug. So you should explain things to them in a calm manner.
1) In the worldly life, what is misery? It is the pain created from wrong suspicions.
2) You should never have suspicion about anyone in this world; not even if it is true. It is a terrible offence to have suspicion about someone.
Book Name: Generation Gap (Page #47, Paragraph #4 & #5; Page #48 Entire Page; Page #49 Paragraph #1)