How to deal with anger in relationship problems?

1. Anger is a weakness and that is why it happens spontaneously. God has called it a weakness. God has said that a real man is the one who has no weakness of ego, anger, greed, or attachment whatsoever.
2. Anger is a weakness, but people think of it as strength. The one who does not get angry possesses more inner strength than the one who gets angry.
3. It is foolish to become irritated. Irritation is considered a weakness.
4. Anger is like putting a lighted match to one's own home. Anger is setting fire to one's own home, which is filled with hay. First his own house burns and then the neighbor's house.
5. Anger does not just happen to people. People get angry because they want to have their own way.
6. Anger can only dissolve if one understands that those who do wrong by him are merely his nimits, (people instrumental in delivering the effects of his past karma) and that what he is experiencing is the result of his karmas from his previous life.          
7. Trying to find a solution to stop the anger is foolishness because anger is a result. It is just like the results of an examination. The result cannot be changed. It is the cause which one needs to change.
8. The solution to anger, pride, attachment, and greed, is to destroy their causes and leave the results alone.
9. We should be aware of our anger at all times. When someone is hurt by our anger, we should be remorseful, ask him or her for forgiveness, and vow never to get angry again.
10. The One, who is angry, is not aware of the anger. The One, who is greedy, is not aware of his greed and the One who is arrogant is not aware of his pride.

1. When does anger take place? It is when one's vision (darshan) becomes obscured, and his knowledge (gnan) is obstructed, that his anger arises. The same happens when a person is overcome with pride.
2. If a car is coming head on to you, will you get angry or will you move out of the way? Would you crash with the car?You are aware of the consequences. Butwhen you get angry, the internal destruction is much greater. The external destruction is obvious to you, but you are not aware of the internal destruction.
3. If you become angry with your son, your bhaav (intention) should be, 'This should not happen.' This means that you have changed negative meditation into positive meditation. Although you were angry, the result turns positive internally because you have changed your true inner intent.

Questioner : My husband and I get into terrible arguments and we also say hurtful things to each other.
What should I do?

Dadashri : Is he the one who gets angry or is it you?

Questioner : Sometimes I do.

Dadashri : Then you should scold yourself from within. Ask yourselfwhy you are getting angry when you know that you will suffer the consequences. Do pratikraman (the act of asking for forgiveness), and all your faults will come to an end. Otherwise you will have to suffer the same pain that you are inflicting. You will calm things down a little with pratikraman.

What should one do in pratikraman? If one's anger hurts another person, he must recall the Soul within that person and ask to be forgiven. He should ask forgiveness for his actions and vow never to do it again. Aalochana is confession of your mistake. When you confess your mistakes to me, you are doing aalochana.

Questioner : After getting angry I realize that I should not get angry.  

Dadashri : No, but after you know who the knower is, there would be no anger.Let us say, there are two identical bottles standing side by side and you are told that one has medicine in it and the other has poison in it. Now if you mistake one for the other, then you can conclude that you did not know. If you do not mistake the one for the other, then one can say that you do know. This would apply to anger as well. The reason you become angry is because you do not know. You are merely going around with ego when  you say that you know. In darkness you are likely to bump into things, but when there is light and you can see clearly, you will not have any accidents. When we confuse the darkness with light, it is our own mistake. So come and sit in the Satsang with me and acquire the real knowledge.Then only will anger, pride, attachment and greed go away.

Questioner : Would it not be considered cowardly to remain silent when someone insults you?

Dadashri : Not at all. To bear an insult is a sign of great strength. If someone were to swear at me right now, I would not have a single negative thought towards him. That is strength. All quibbling and quarrelling is weakness. To bear an insult calmly is a great strength. When such an insult is overcome just once, if one step is crossed in this manner, then you will get the strength to cross a hundred such steps. Do you understand? If the opponent is strong then the other party will become weak. That is the natural trend. When a weak person harasses us and we do not do anything in response, it is considered a great strength.