Questioner: Some people have belief that children must be beaten up (hit) to keep them in line or they get spoiled. Keep them under your control by instilling fear in them, by hitting. Is this right?
Dadashri: Up to a certain age, they can smack. Now at the age 30 if you try to hit, what happens?
Questioner: He will hit back.
Dadashri: That is why I say you can smack and I also say you cannot smack. Up to the point that their ego can tolerate, you can keep them in line by smacking them. If you don't, they will go in the wrong direction.
Actually, people don't know how to keep their children in line, they don't know because they don't have knowledge about it. Otherwise, there is no treatment like love to keep them in line. But they cannot show the love. They get angry. Even then, it is good that by getting angry, or smacking them, they get them in the right line. Otherwise, the kid will go in the wrong direction, because he does not know what is right or wrong for him. If you hit a 30 year old, he will hit back. Do whatever you can do as a parent and then you have to let go.
Questioner: Sometimes when the kid does not listen, I have to smack him.
Dadashri: The child is not going to listen. Is he going to listen if you hit him? Instead, he will only harbor the anger in his mind against you. He will keep this anger, 'when I get older I will take revenge with mother.' All living beings take revenge. We should resolve all matters with closure to the best possible extent without causing any revenge. If you want to hit, ask him. Tell me, 'should I hit you or not?' If he says yes then you can hit. You can hit with this type of agreement. How can you hit otherwise? He will keep a grudge. He does not like it and if you hit him, he will store feelings of revenge. When he is little, he may not say anything but he will decide in his mind that when I grow up I will hit mom.
Questioner: But Dada, my daughter does not keep anything in her mind. When we scold her, she forgets it the next moment.
Dadashri: She forgets, she is not that smart. She is less restless, so she forgets. But restless people have hot temper. Why scold? Take the permission of the son if you want to scold him. 'Should I scold you? You did this wrong. Should I scold you?' If he says scold, then you can.
1. How to deal with children?
2. Generation Gap
3. Children learn from Parents
4. Attachment with Children
Get detail understanding for Parent Child Relationship.
Dadavani Magazine October 2011 (Page #12 and Page #13)
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