How to deal with anger in husband wife relationship ?

Questioner: My husband and I get into terrible arguments and we also say hurtful things to each other. What should I do?

Dadashri: Is he the one who gets angry or is it you?

Questioner: Sometimes I do.

Dadashri: Then you should scold yourself from within. Ask yourselfwhy you are getting angry when you know that you will suffer the consequences. Do pratikraman (the act of asking for forgiveness), and all your faults will come to an end. Otherwise you will have to suffer the same pain that you are inflicting. You will calm things down a little with pratikraman. What should one do in pratikraman? If one's anger hurts another person, he must recall the Soul within that person and ask to be forgiven. He should ask forgiveness for his actions and vow never to do it again. Aalochana is confession of your mistake. When you confess your mistakes to me, you are doingaalochana.

Questioner: After getting angry I realize that I should not get angry.

Dadashri: No, but after you know who the knower is, there would be no anger. Let us say, there are two identical bottles standing side by side and you are told that one has medicine in it and the other has poison in it. Now if you mistake one for the other, then you can conclude that you did not know. If you do not mistake the one for the other, then one can say that you do know. This would apply to anger as well. The reason you become angry is because you do not know. You are merely going around with ego when you say that you know. In darkness you are likely to bump into things, but when there is light and you can see clearly, you will not have any accidents. When we confuse the darkness with light, it is our own mistake. So come and sit in the Satsang with me and acquire the real knowledge.Then only will anger, pride, attachment and greed go away.