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How to live a conflict free life

You must be facing a lot of conflicts in your life daily, for example:

  • When your boss orders you around.
  • When your friends and colleagues do not support you.
  • When your employees do not follow you.
  • When your parents do not move with the times.
  • When your children do not obey you.
  • When your spouse argues with you.

And that might be the very reason you are here, in search of a solution on how to live a conflict free life. 

If you are tired of these daily conflicts. What can you do to live a conflict-free life?

Unwillingness to accept the other person’s viewpoint or belief triggers a clash, and these clashes going ahead result into a conflict in our relationship.

“Avoid clashes.” - If you absorb just this one sentence of Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan exactly as it is, your work will be done! All that is needed is your strong and sincere willingness. Within you there are infinite energies to resolve all kinds of conflicts, no matter how severe they may be.

Your strong resolve and the power of these words will do all the work. Make a firm resolution ‘I will not clash with him or her at any cost, no matter how persistent the opponent is.’

What you mean when you say “Avoid Clashes”?

When people obey the traffic laws there is no difficulty in the way traffic runs, right? Likewise, in your daily life if you follow the laws of nature correctly, you will prevent clashes and live a conflict free life. But problems arise because of your limited interpretations of the laws of life. Clashes occur when you follow your own laws and interpretations and do not know any conflict resolution methods.

Say, you step off a train and look for someone to help you with your bags. Few porters come running towards you and you tell one of them to pick your luggage. He hauls the luggage outside but at the time of payment, you find yourself quarrelling with him, “How dare you ask me for so much money?” People have a habit of clashing with each other all the time. Do not get into a dispute over such matters. If he asks for two hundred fifty rupees, try and negotiate gently.

“Listen brother, really this is only worth one hundred rupees but take this - two hundred rupees!” You should give in, with few rupees here and there and settle the matter. This is no place to clash. If your opponent is weak, he may let go and suffer because of his or her weakness, but he will harbor an inner grudge against you. This grudge may plant a seed of revenge, which will be expressed in your next life. Every human being, in fact every living creature, is capable of harboring revenge.

On the other hand, when someone comes to you and starts using harsh and abusive words, be alert and avoid clashing with that person too. You will sense displeasure within which may bother you. So, you must realize that this person is affecting your mind and accordingly, you must move out of his way. This conflict is in the form of vibrations. Therefore, avoid clashes.

Regardless of whether a person talks too much or too harsh, his words should not ignite a clash within you. To follow this principle is your religion. Words do not lay a precondition that they will cause a clash. You should learn to push aside the words that annoy you and forget about them. He that can do so deserves to be called a human.

And you annoying someone through your words to pacify your own ego is the biggest offence of all. Never do that.

As your understanding grows, you will be able to avoid clashes.

You can also apply these conflict resolution methods to avoid clashes:

  • Make a strong inner intent that, ‘I do not want to clash with the wall, I do not want to cause a divisiveness due to differences of opinions.’
  • Even if you clash outside, within your inner intent while clashing should be that, ‘I do not want to clash with anyone’.
  • Try to understand the other person’s viewpoint. You will realize that if you are in the same situation, and someone adjusts to you, rather than getting into a clash then you will actually feel relieved. Therefore, if you reciprocate this behavior when the other person is going through the same thing, then you not only avoid the clash, but also maintain a good relationship.
  • If someone says you are at fault, accept it and say, “You are right. Thank you for showing this to me.”
  • Start to take adjustments with everyone to avoid more clashes.
  • Recognize the nature of the opposite person. By doing this, you will know how they will react in different situations. This allows you to remain stable when those situations arise.
  • Agree with the other person not for the sake of getting rid of them, but because you want to avoid the clash and you want to become free. No doubt, he is also correct from his viewpoint.
  • If someone shouts, accuses or calls you names, you have to avoid giving it back to them. Instead you should ask for strength, from the God within, to avoid using unpleasant and hurtful speech:
    "Dearest Lord! Give me infinite inner strength not to speak, cause someone to speak, nor encourage anyone to speak any harsh or hurtful language towards any living being, even to the slightest extent.
    If someone speaks in harsh and hurtful language, please give me the strength to speak softly and kindly in response."
  • You can also avoid conflicts by saying, “I like what you are saying, give me some time to think over it.”
  • If someone happens to pick a fight, then you should sympathize with him that, ‘Oh! He must be filled with so much frustration that he picks fights!’ All those who become frustrated are weak.
  • Despite your caution and resolve, the other person may still clash with you and hurt you. If you do not inflict even the slightest suffering on others and if you accept with joy the suffering others impose upon you, then your past accounts will be settled and you will attain liberation.
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