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“Conflict Avoidance” – Does that mean to tolerate?

In attempting to avoid clashes, many people mistake and turn the true meaning of “avoid” into “tolerate”. Toleration and conflict avoidance are two very different things. Conflict avoidance will totally prevent the clash from occurring and will not affect the future; however, tolerating it will only test your patience.

Sometimes you find yourself in a situation, where you are unable to satisfy everyone and avoid a clash. Nevertheless, this does not mean that one should tolerate it either. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan had said, “To tolerate is the same as compressing a spring. How long can a spring remain compressed? So definitely do not learn to tolerate, learn how to bring about a solution.” Only by obtaining a solution will you avoid the clash.

avoid clashes

Wherever you think you are having to tolerate because of someone else, do you know what the real cause is behind the other person behaving with you in such a manner?

It is actually because of your own karmic account. Yes, you do not have the knowledge of your past accounts, which is why it appears to you that the other person is giving you something new, that which you don’t deserve. And you get puzzled, “Why is he doing this to me?” Oh! He is simply returning what you’ve given in the past. Look deeper into your karmic account book, because not a single event that comes to you is outside of your own karmic account book.

Whatever has come your way is solely because of your own past karma which has matured today to get cleared and paid off; so you must be happy that you are now getting free of this particular karma. And the person giving it to you is simply an instrument in the process, so you must be grateful to him as he has helped you settle your outstanding karmic account. This is the correct understanding which will surely solve all your puzzles. Now tell me, is there a need to tolerate anything at all?

Adverse Effects of Tolerating

  • When you do not solve a problem and instead tolerate for days on end, the pressed spring will one day rebound. Not only will you get angry, but you will upset everyone!
  • When you are tolerating, you experience deep suffering inside and although you may not clash physically, you may end up harboring enmity for the opposite person and thus bind a new karma, which you will avenge in your next life. We don’t want to do that, isn’t it? Therefore “Avoid clashes, but to tolerate is not the right way.”
  • By tolerating the other person in the current situation you are left with the negative opinions of that person in your mind. In the future, every time you interact with that person, those opinions will pop-up in your mind and thus affect your interaction with them. Your relationship with that person will remain sour.
  • People who have an inferiority complex are not able to react like others and clash with other people. They remain suffocated within because they are not able to release their frustrations and get angry. This is their way of tolerating. When they are no longer able to tolerate anymore and reach their tolerance level then they become depressed. This depression results in mental and over time physical illness as well. In the end, the person who makes the biggest loss is the person tolerating themselves.
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