When to seek Forgiveness or do Pratikraman?

Wherever atikraman occurs, one should seek forgiveness and repent, which also means, doing pratikraman. Normal worldly interaction is kraman. However, any interaction through which even the slightest hurt is caused to someone is called atikraman. For interactions where no one is hurt, pratikraman is not required. Whatever is in the mind should be reflected in one’s speech as well as in one’s conduct. Even if one speaks good words outwardly but harbors negativity within the mind, pratikraman should still be done for it.

In pratikraman, we may remember whichever God we believe in and, in Their witness, seek forgiveness; acknowledging that a mistake has occurred, resolving that it will not happen again, and asking for the strength to do so. Even then, if the same fault comes to mind again or continues to prick within, pratikraman should be done each time, until that fault is completely exhausted.

Faults can occur in many different ways. After a fault has occurred in any of the forms listed below, repenting for it helps wash away our faults.

When Atikraman occurs

Throughout the day, such atikramans keep happening at every step. Warning us about this, Param Pujya Dadashri says that, “As long as atikraman occurs, you will not attain a human birth again. Be cautious.” This world is extremely precise. Neither personal connections nor bribery work here. If any living being, whether a human, an animal, or even a plant is hurt even in the slightest, demerit karma (paap karma) is bound, and there is no other solution, other than repenting, to get rid of any hurt caused through thoughts, speech and acts (paap).

However, many times we do not even realize in what ways atikraman occurs. If we say to the person cooking at home, “Please serve the food,” there is no atikraman in that. But if, after sitting down to eat and having eaten a little, we point out faults by saying, “You have made this curry too salty,” then that is considered atikraman. If one quietly eats the salty curry without saying anything, or simply sets it aside without any reaction, then atikraman does not occur. Similarly, if someone arrives late and we say angrily, “You are always late,” that is called atikraman. In short, saying something that people do not like is considered atikraman.

In addition, making fun of someone is also considered atikraman. Even if the other person is somewhat accommodating and manages it outwardly in interactions, but feels hurt within, seek forgiveness. One may engage in jokes or humour, but only when it is harmless and does not cause hurt to the other person.

Moreover, harbouring lustful or sensual feelings toward someone is equivalent to causing them hurt. Especially when such impure feelings arise, whether through thoughts or a corrupted gaze, in relationships that are not rightful, apart from one’s spouse, pratikraman should be done there.

Insistence on anything is the greatest poison. When one goes further and develops a strong insistence on one’s own opinion, it is called matagrah (unyielding insistence on an opinion). That is considered a major atikraman. We should express our opinion and then let it go. But if one clings to it, it becomes hurtful to the other person, and pratikraman should be done for it. In worldly interactions, if things do not happen as we expect, or if we become upset and then behave obstinately, pratikraman needs to be done for that as well. Many times, a task may be proceeding smoothly, but due to one’s nature, if we become emotional and end up creating unnecessary interference, seek forgiveness, along with cultivating the inner intent that this should not happen again.

Repentance is to be done only for those words or actions that cause hurt to others, not for interactions that are pleasing to them. Just as we do not let a stain remain on clothes, but apply soap and rinse it with water to clean the garment, in the same way, if a fault has occurred that causes someone hurt, it should be cleansed through pratikraman.

When an attack happens through words

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that, “Pratikraman must be done for both – atikraman (aggression in thoughts, speech and acts) and aakraman (attacking nature.) Aakraman must not exist in us. Aakraman means attacking nature. Aakraman means one would constantly attack every single interaction, even every word.”

What is the difference between atikraman and akraman? Speaking in a way that causes hurt to the other person even if it is meant as a joke, is called atikraman. Akraman, on the other hand, means directly striking at the other person’s ego through words. Casting accusations on someone’s ego, maligning their character, or speaking words that break the other person internally, all these fall under akraman. In such cases, one must definitely seek forgiveness and undertake repentance.

Many times, after we have done atikraman and the other person has been hurt, if someone comes and says, “You did such wrong?”, then we end up committing an even bigger atikraman in order to defend the earlier one. We put the other person down by saying, “Don’t interfere, this is the only way to improve them!”; that is called akraman. If someone gently points out our mistake and we angrily respond, “You take care of your own matters; you don’t need to tell me,” that too is akraman. This increases entanglements, and then, in order to untangle them, one has to go from two legs to four.

When gross violence occurs

Atikraman and akraman are considered as violence that occur through the kashays (anger, pride, deceit, and greed). Whereas a living being is killed, it is called gross violence. Even if gross violence occurs unknowingly, one should immediately take repentance, acknowledging that something wrong has happened, seeking forgiveness from the living being, and firmly resolving that such an act should not happen again.

Even if we have the wholehearted intention not to commit violence, yet if a small living creature gets crushed under our feet, we should do pratikraman; otherwise, that living being will bind vengeance. If mosquitoes bite us at night and we wake up from sleep and start killing them, that too is considered gross violence.

If insects such as bedbugs or similar creatures have been killed by repeatedly piercing with needles, then one should do pratikraman by visualizing those insects placed in a bowl and repenting upon seeing their bodies. Param Pujya Dadashri says that if any insect or living creature is not tolerable inside the house, one should gently place it outside, but should not even entertain the thought of killing it.

We may feel that if a living being is crushed accidentally, how could it possibly bind vengeance? But just as, in the human world, there are bonds among husband and wife and between parents and children, similarly the other living beings might also have their own world and relationships, right? If someone were to kill our relatives, how much pain would we feel! In the same way, when the world of animals, birds, or insects is destroyed, they too experience pain. Just as we get burned even if we accidentally place our hand in fire, likewise, we have to bear the consequences of violence committed unknowingly as well. Here, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan gives a beautiful solution for when gross violence has occurred.

Dadashri: When himsa (violence) occurs unknowingly  (ajaanta), you should feel repentance immediately, and that it should not be so. You should repent for it and do pratyakhyan. Keep the awareness that it does not occur again. This should be Your goal. The Lord had told us to be firm and resolute in our intent (bhaav) not to hurt any living thing. Every morning when you begin your day, you should repeat this five times: ‘I do not wish to hurt any living being through this mind, speech and body.’ Start your day by affirming this intent. This will decrease the liability. This is because the intent is under your control. The rest is not.

When one sees faults in others

Generally, we are able to see only two or three major faults within ourselves, but when it comes to others, we can easily find hundreds of faults in them. When another person appears to be at fault, one should seek forgiveness for it.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that, “Not a single living being is at fault in this world; that is the vision of a Gnani. If one appears at fault (doshit), that is a mistake of our own vision (drashti); it is our own raag-dwesh.”

If someone speaks to us harshly or causes us harm and thoughts of retaliation arise within us, pratikraman should be done for that as well. If an opinion gets formed about any person such as, “This person is bad; they always behave this way,” then pratikraman needs to be done for that too. When an opinion becomes deeply entrenched, it turns into prejudice. Then, the moment we see that person, a preconceived notion arises, “They will behave this way again”, then pratikraman should be done for that as well.

Whatever behaviour someone directs toward us is according to the unfolding of our own karma. The person is merely a nimit (one who is instrumental in a process). Therefore, we should not allow negative feelings to arise within our mind toward them. On the contrary, the vision of the Gnani (the awakened One) is such that they hold an inner intent for the other person’s well-being, because that person is helping free us from our karma. Gnani Purush Param Pujya Dadashri says that, “You became free from this karma after accepting the four swear words he gave you; You become lighter. Now, in the process of becoming free, all You have to do is make sure you do not sow new negative seeds.”

What does it mean to sow bad seeds? If someone speaks one bitter word to us and we respond with four bitter words in return, that is sowing bad seeds. We are unable to tolerate even one bitter remark, yet we retaliate with four; when that account comes to be settled, will we be able to endure it? In truth, this is how we get trapped in the crime of karma, and the wandering through life after life in bondage continues. Therefore, there is no one in this world toward whom we should spoil our inner intent. And if still our inner intent does get spoiled, we should get it corrected immediately. For that, seek forgiveness.

In reality, karma is bound not so much by the outward action itself, but by the inner intent that arises while performing the action. Action is compulsory, but intent is voluntary. We should do pratikraman for the spoiling of our inner intent. If anger occurs outwardly, the compulsory part has gone wrong; but if we repent inwardly and ask for forgiveness, the voluntary part can be corrected.

If faults are seen in any religion, in religious leaders, or in followers of a religion, pratikraman must definitely be done for that as well. Nowadays, influenced by television, newspapers, or videos on the internet, we engage in negative discussions about different religions. This is considered viradhana (to speak contrary to fact about a person, leading to spiritual descent) of religion and binds a grave offense. Moreover, the result of viradhana of the Vitarag Bhagwan comes back to us many times over.

When one is unable to come out of one’s own faults

Even when we lie, demerit karma is bound. Even if we do not wish to, if we repeatedly end up speaking lies, we should repent by saying, “I have spoken a lie; I ask for forgiveness for it; this should not happen.” Lying may not stop all at once, but we should change our viewpoint toward lying through pratikraman. If an inner conviction arises such as, “From today onward, I will not lie. Lying is a great sin, extremely hurtful, and lying itself is bondage,” then the binding of demerit karma through lying will stop.

Similarly, for addictions such as cigarettes, tobacco, or alcohol, pratikraman is the best means to become free from addiction. Initially, one may have taken up the addictive substance out of curiosity or habit, but later the addiction clings to the person and does not let go, and then it causes distress. From the moment one firmly decides, “This addiction is wrong; it causes great harm; I must give it up,” the process of becoming free from it begins. Thereafter, every time the addiction occurs out of habit, one should seek forgiveness and take sincere repentance. Through this pratikraman, one’s viewpoint turns against the addiction, and by repeatedly repenting, the addiction eventually falls away.