One Cannot Live Without a Sense of ‘I am’
Questioner: Why do thoughts of suicide occur?
Dadashri: A person is alive because of his sense of being and self worth. His awareness of 'I am *Chandulal' is called vikalp. 'All this is mine', is his sankalp. This sense of 'I and my' is the basis of his worldly life. Once he loses this sense of being, he loses all worldly awareness and that is when thoughts of suicide arise. So this sense of 'I am' is necessary and helpful.
When natural and spontaneous thoughts cease, negative thoughts begin. He becomes immersed in complete internal darkness and is not able to 'see' anything. Sankalp means 'my' and vikalp means 'I'. When both these stop, a person will think about dying.
Reasons for Suicide
Questioner: What is the cause behind a person's tendency to contemplate and complete a suicide?
Dadashri: The root cause of suicide is that in one of his past lives he had committed suicide, the effects of that act is carried forward through seven more lives. When you drop a ball from a height of about three feet, it will bounce back up and with each subsequent bounce, the height it bounces up is reduced and eventually the ball ceases to bounce. That is a natural process, a natural principle of motion. Similarly if a person commits suicide just once, then this act is perpetuated for seven more lives. The intensity of the effects carried forward is not visible but they decrease each time and eventually coming to an end.
*Chandulal = Whenever Dadashri uses the name 'Chandulal' or the name of the person Dadashri is addressing, the reader should insert his or her name for exact understanding.
What happens when you experience conflicts? You feel as if your heart and soul are on fire and you cannot put out the fire, no matter how hard you try. The self is not a thing that you burn away. If your clothes catches fire let them burn but not your soul. Day and night the world is absorbed in conflict. For a short while you fall under the spell of illusion of the world only to return to your internal anguish. The whole world is immersed in suffering and anguish. The illusion, transiently, makes people forget their suffering. Suffering can never be destroyed and if destroyed (by Gnani), there is liberation.
Today there are waves of conflicts everywhere and when it gets worse and unbearable people resort to committing suicide. But does that solve the problem? On the contrary, they carry the problem, magnified many times, into their next birth and will have to endure it. Therefore, it is better to get through all this and endure it in this life. There is nothing but misunderstanding and ignorance in this world.
Where did all this misery come from? It has come because you have sought solace from those who are unhappy themselves. How can there be any misery if you take solace from the One who is in bliss. Dada is in eternal bliss. If you seek solace from Him, where is the scope of any unhappiness coming your way? Those who have selfish motives in what they do are unhappy people. If you seek solace from them, naturally you are going to be unhappy. Those who are unhappy have not been able to get rid of their own miseries so how can you expect them to help you get rid of yours? You can be permanently happy only when you go to the One who is Absolute, the one who is an abode of endless bliss, the one who has no self-interest and is free from all desires.
As conflict increases it turns into open quarrel. How can you maintain a friendly relationship with a person who is quarrelsome? It is like trying to sweeten soured whey- even the sweetness turns sour. Instead it is better to keep your distance from such a person. The other option is to become a Gnani. A Gnani would have the real perspective and would understand that whatever the other person is saying is merely a record and such records are playing everywhere. A Gnani sees the Self within all as pure. Everyone is entrapped in this prison of the world so what can they do? What can anyone do being caught up in this trap of conflicts? What kind of trap is this? Everyone in a household will gang up on one person. Just think of the plight of that poor fellow when there is a war within the four walls of his home. He does not even sleep in peace. Out of fear of displeasing people at home, he even turns down an invitation from a friend to a dinner. Every moment there is misery he cannot escape and he has to endure it. Even at home he has to live in a hostile environment. Just look at the effects of karma! It is his own karma. The world is such that there is no escape from suffering.