A parent child relationship is two-sided. Both parent and child should individually make efforts to build up the relationship. The first part of the article discusses about what the parent can do and the next part is for the children who want to strengthen their relationship with parents. But the parent should not expect the child to play his part well and vice-versa. It works only when we change without expecting the other to change.
To strengthen a parent child relationship, one has to strive to keep a balanced approach. The role of a parent evolves from nurturer, guide and lastly to a friend. Until the age of seven or eight years if a child makes mistakes then you have to guide them and even discipline them if necessary. Till the age of twelve to fifteen you can guide them but after sixteen you have to become their friends.
Theoretically, we know only love and understanding can touch a child’s heart but practically there is a gap — which we want to fill up! So, let’s learn how to work on this precious relationship between parents and children so that your child grows into a happy and confident human.
A) Awareness of these Keys will help you focus:
B) Practical insights for strengthening your parent child relationship in everyday dealings:
1. Listen: To win their love and confidence in you — Listen to them and say something in agreement or keep mum but don’t jump to conclusion and oppose them during daily interactions.
2. Talk: This is most important aspect in parenting — how to talk with children! Speak calmly and with understanding and love, using only a few words and one day you will win him over. You will not reap its rewards immediately. Continue your love for a month and then see its results.
For detailed understanding on how to talk, read “2. How to talk and deal with child?”
3. Spend time together like friends:
4. When things go wrong:
There will be times, when things go out of control and we end up saying hurtful words to our child. First and foremost, do not get emotional by going to the guilt mode or getting angry and showing authority. It’s like vomit, it’s already done. Now it needs to be wiped out. Gnani Purush Dada Bhagwan has shown us the ultimate way to wash our misdeeds — by Pratikraman, (asking for forgiveness) we wash out our negative feelings from our heart. Therefore, the negative vibration stops from our side and eventually the other person will not have any complaints about us. This is essential for strengthening the parent child relationship.
5. When your child stops listening:
There can be times when you feel very deeply that you are saying things for your child’s benefit but they are not listening to you and on top of it ask you to stop lecturing. At such times, when spoken words are not working, and you want your child to improve, PRAYER is the ultimate tool. Empower yourself with prayer.
And above all, do not get overwhelmed by reading all this. Your determination of strengthening your relationship will guide you. Feel good about yourself that you are a self-aware parent who wants to work on improving this puzzling parent child relationship.
C) ‘Real’ understanding of the Parent Child Relationship
Give a thought on the following:
All these relationships are temporary adjustments. You must conduct your interactions carefully. As long as you adjust to them, everything will be fine. Your intentions should be to preserve the relationship, even though others try to destroy it. Try to keep things as stable as you can.
In worldly interactions, you should conduct yourself as though you are an actor in a play. Do everything that you have to do, but without emotional involvement. A mother who hugs her child dearly may do so to the point of smothering it and then naturally the child becomes irritated. It is the ignorant, who display such possessive behavior. Whereas the Gnani Purush remains detached from all worldly interactions and so everyone remains happy with him.
Questioner: I want to take care of parents and strengthen my relationship with parents, but I end up seeing faults in them. What should I do?
Dadashri: Children who see faults in their parents will never be happy. They may have material wealth, but they would never be happy spiritually. You must never see faults in your parents. How can you forget what they have done for you? You do not forget someone's kindness even when they offer you a cold drink on a hot day, so how can you forget your parents' kindness?
Care for them in the best possible way. If they say something disagreeable to you, overlook it. They are your elders. Do you think they deserve disrespect?
Questioner: No. But what if it happens by mistake?
Dadashri: Why do you not fall by mistake? You manage to be careful in that situation. Besides, if you slip accidentally, your father will understand, but if you make a mistake on purpose, he will question you. Try your best not to make a mistake. If it happens outside your control they will understand and know that you are not capable of doing it. Keep them happy. Do they not try to keep you happy? All parents desire their child's happiness.
Questioner: Yes, but I feel that they have got into a habit of nagging.
Dadashri: Yes, then it is your own fault and you have to do pratikraman for hurting them. They should not be hurt. You should tell yourself that you are here to keep them happy. Ask yourself what you did to make them unhappy.
Do you think your father is bad? What will happen when you think badly of him? There is nothing bad in this world. Whatever comes your way is precise and it is justice. A mother is a mother and you should never see any faults in her. Destiny has given her to you. Can you ever replace your mother?
1) Why we should take care of our parents? To know more read this article "The value of parents"
2) Get insights on "How to stop fault finding in relationship"