Attraction = Reaction

Questioner: Many times even if I have no desire to harbor any hate towards anyone, it still happens. What is the reason behind this?

Dadashri: With whom does this happen?

Questioner: Sometimes this occurs with my spouse.

Dadashri: That is not hatred. The love, which arises from attraction, is reactionary and subject to repulsion. So that if he gets irritated, she turns away from him. She maintains her distance for a little while, which in turn endears him to her again as she begins to grow fonder of him and he of her. With further conflict there is more hurt and more interference with each other, resulting in further alienation. And then back together once more. Where there is excessive love of this kind there is interference. So wherever there is interference going on, inside they still feel love. Such excessive love from our past life is the cause of interference. It is really excessive love that you are speaking of, otherwise would there be any interference? This is the characteristic of interference.

People say that it is conflict that makes their love grow. That is true, but that which you call love is really attraction that has arisen from conflict itself. Such attraction is always subject to repulsion. Where there are only a few clashes, there is less attraction. If in a household a husband and wife have limited quarrels, we should understand that there is limited attraction between the two. Do you understand this?

Questioner: in our daily lives, sometimes when the ego arises, we have intense arguments and lots of sparks fly in fights.

Dadashri: those sparks are not due to the ego. They may seem to arise from ego but in fact they are related to sexual interaction. Where there is no sexual interaction, there is no clash. The history of friction ceases where sex ceases. So when a couple takes the vow of celibacy for a year, I ask them what their life has been like, they reply, "no sparks, no fights, no friction, no clash whatsoever. Everything is at a standstill." It is all because of sexual interaction.

Questioner: at first we thought that these conflicts were related to our household work. The conflicts have continued despite our helping in the housework.

Dadashri: all those clashes will continue. As long as sexual relations continue, clashes will continue. Sex is the root cause of clash. He who conquers sexual instincts conquers all. Such a person impresses all who see him.