True brahmacharya is that which helps you attain ultimate liberation (moksha).
If you walk without a destination then you do not know where you will end up or why you are walking in the first place. But, if you walk with a destination in mind, you are sure to reach there. In the same way, the practice of celibacy or brahmacharya should be with right understanding and with a goal in mind. If the goal of practicing brahmacharya is not ultimate liberation (moksha) then, that brahmacharya is like castration. It will make your body healthy, strong, good-looking and you would live longer. But, that is not the ultimate destination.
Param Pujya Dadashri provides direct guidance on how to practice celibacy:
Questioner: I do not feel like getting married at all.
Dadashri: Really! Will you be okay if you don't get married?
Questioner: Yes, my only desire is to attain brahmacharya. Please give me some strength and understanding for that.
Dadashri: For that you have to have a deep inner intent. Everyday you have to say, 'Dear Dada Bhagwan! Give me strength to practice brahmacharya'. And you have to get rid of the slightest thought of sex as soon as it arises. If not, a seed of sex will be sown. If allowed to remain, after two days it will kill you. Hence uproot such a thought and get rid of it right away. Next, make sure that you do not look with sexual thoughts at any woman. If your eyes happen to pull you towards a woman, pull them away from her, remember Dada and ask for forgiveness. When it continuously remains within that, any element of sexuality is not worth pursuing then it will all be a clean farm, no seed will sprout. Even now if one stays under my shelter, then his goal of brahmacharya will be fully attained.
The one who definitely wants to practice brahmacharya, must first examine and severely test his control over his senses and if he feels that he may slip, then it is better for him to get married. Even after that, it should be under control and he should alert her about his desire for exercising control.
For those who have the intent to follow brahmacharya, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan has instructed them to recite the following prayer daily:
"Dear God! Give me infinite inner strength not to have, cause someone to have, nor encourage anyone to have any sexual desires, feelings, or gestures towards any living being, be it male, female, or of neutral gender. Give me the supreme strength to be free from all sexual desires, forever."
By reciting this prayer we ensure that we are asking for strength to follow celibacy, destroying the opinion that there is happiness in sexuality and ask for the desires not arise in the future.
The thoughts of sex and abrahmacharya will come, and in this when one keeps praying for the energy of brahmacharya, it is highly commendable. With these prayers the seeker will attain the goal over a variable period of two to five years. The person, who conquers abrahmacharya, conquers the whole world. The governing deities, the celestial protectors of the path of liberation are very pleased with the one who is in brahmacharya.
In order to come out of sexuality you have to use these four steps:
Step 1: Change your opinion 100%
Change your opinion that sexuality is good or that there is happiness in sexuality. Change your opinion 100%. Your opinion should be, ‘Sexuality is 100% wrong, I should not partake in any type of sexuality through my mind, speech and body.’
Step 2: Analyze how there is no happiness in sexuality
i) Make a list of how sexuality is harmful to you, spiritually, mentally, physically, religiously, economically or socially. You have to study all of these things: How is it wrong? How is it harmful?
ii) Make a list of the benefits of practicing celibacy: How is it beneficial?
Step 3: Apologize for engaging in any form of sexuality
Whenever you engage in sexuality in one form or another, through either your thoughts, speech or actions, apologize for engaging in sexuality, ‘Please forgive me.’ Ask for strength to come out of sexuality completely, ‘Please give me the strength to come out of all forms of sexuality. I do not want any part of it.’
Step 4: Do not protect the mistake of sexuality
If someone says that, you are wrong for participating in sexuality, then do not argue with them and protect your mistake by saying, ‘Do not see my mistakes, look at your own faults.’ By doing this you protect your mistake and blame the opposite person. You should not do this. Instead, you have to accept that, ‘This is my weakness I want to come out of this.’ If you protect your mistake, the mistake automatically gets an extension of 20 years. You should not protect your mistake. Instead you should accept, ‘This is my fault, I should not make this mistake.’
Imagine drinking a cup of tea with sugar, after eating ice cream. You would exclaim, ‘This tea tastes like it has no sugar in it!’ Even though you know that there is sugar in the tea, how is it possible that there is no trace of sugar? Since you ate ice cream, which has more sugar than a cup of tea, you do not taste the sugar in your tea. That is how it is with non-celibacy. Once you experience more happiness than that which you experience from sexual pleasures then nothing and no one will be able to shake your conviction of practicing celibacy. But, how is this possible? By experiencing the endless bliss of your own Pure Soul through a Self Realization ceremony, you will no doubt break your belief that there is happiness in sexuality.
Questioner: Sometimes circumstances arise that causes me to become involved in physical attraction and sexual thoughts, what should I do at that time?
Dadashri: Use the same experiment that I had used for myself. For me this experiment is constantly in place and it had kept me aware even before enlightenment. When my eyes fall on someone wearing beautiful clothes, a saree worth two thousand rupees, I become aware and my first vision see her without clothes. Then a second awareness arises and I see the body without the skin and then the third awareness arises and I see the intestines, the kind you see when the stomach is cut open. I can also see changes that occur within the intestines. I can see blood vessels; I can see fecal matter etc. I can see all the refuse this way. Then there is no chance of sexual impulse arising, is there? In all this, the Soul is the only pure thing and that is where my vision stops. Therefore how can any illusion over sex ever occur?