In this kaliyug (era of spiritual and moral decline), a married man should have sexual passion only towards his wife. As a married man’s duty, God has accepted the passion towards his wife. He has given freedom for fidelity towards one woman; his wife (ek patnivrat) so that one does not look for sex anywhere else, no matter where he goes. If he were to go out; no matter where he goes, his vision will not spoil. He will not even think about it, and if he does have such thoughts, he will ask for forgiveness. God does not have any problem with such ek patnivrat (fidelity; sexual relation only with his wife). What He says is; in this era of the current time cycle, we will consider ek patnivrat as celibacy and that which is not worthy of public criticism; that we will consider as being worthy of public worship.
There is no problem if the sexual relationship is between married couples because that is the boundary. The problem is in crossing this boundary. You have to have a boundary because you are a married man living a worldly life (sansari). Your mind, your speech or your thought should not cross that boundary. Your thought should not go out of the circle of ek patnivrat (devotion to one wife) and if it does go outside that circle, pull that thought back by doing pratikraman and decide never to let it happen again. This is called sexual fidelity.
Param Pujya Dadashri says, “A place everyone goes to is called a toilet. A place where many people go is called a toilet. A relationship of fidelity to one man and one woman is a conduct of virtue. Till then a woman’s conduct is considered virtuous otherwise it is considered a toilet.”
Three thousand years ago, in Hindustan, ninety percent of men were devoted to just one wife, married brahmacharis. How good were these people? Whereas today there might be, perhaps one in a thousand like them.
Explore more on rightful sex and the definition of loyalty in a relationship through Param Pujya Dadashri’s vision:
Questioner: Ek patnivrat (devotion to one wife) sex is considered one’s rightful sex, it is considered rightful only if it is within normality. And what if it is above normal?
Dadashri: It is still considered rightfully yours, but it is like not rightfully yours, one cannot say that it is bad, can one?
Questioner: If there is another woman who is willingly pulling a man towards her and they both have a consensual relationship (sex), then is that considered as rightful sex or not?
Dadashri: No, that is where we have put a big cross over it, have we not? And it is precisely with this ‘willing consent’ that has ruined everything, has it not? It is because once one goes beyond this consent, that one faces terrible signs of going to a lower life form. He will then definitely go into a lower life form. But if one maintains normality within his own home, he is considered a celestial being, even a human being is considered celestial. And if he becomes above normal within his home, that is considered bestial. But he will lose his own and nothing more, his own shop will become empty but it does not carry the liability like that of illicit sex. The one enjoying rightful sex can attain the human form again and he will go towards moksha. Ek patnivrat (devotion to one wife) is the final limit, it is better than compared to the other.
Stay Loyal in a Relationship, Stay Pure
Dadashri: In this day and age, I consider sexual loyalty to one wife, as ‘brahmacharya,’ and I guarantee you that you will reap the same fruits as the brahmacharya did during the times of Lord Mahavir.
Questioner: With regards to sexual loyalty to one’s wife, does the rule apply to the mind and its sexual thoughts towards other women? It may be possible to be loyal physically, but what about the roving mind and thoughts?
Dadashri: The loyalty should also be at the subtle level of the mind as well. Whenever the mind wanders away to another woman, you should stay detached from it and continue doing her pratikraman. What is the limit for moksha? The limit is where there is loyalty to one wife and one husband with the mind, speech and body.