Related Questions

Why do couples fight in spite of having love? What causes conflicts in relationship?

Questioner: Why is it that sometimes although we do not want to harbor abhorrence towards others, we still end up doing it?

Dadashri: Whom are you referring to?

Questioner: Sometimes I feel that way about my husband.


Dadashri: That is not called abhorrence. The love of infatuation and attraction is always reactionary. When couples fight, they will avoid each other. After a few days of maintaining a distance, their love grows again. That same love will then cause conflicts and the whole cycle will begin again. Whenever the love becomes excessive, there will be conflicts. When there are conflicts, internally there is love. Conflicts only take place when there is love. Conflicts are the result of worldly love from the previous life, and this love is excessive. Otherwise there will not be any conflict whatsoever! That is the nature of all conflicts.

What do people say? 'Conflict sustains our love.' There is some truth in this. It is not real love that increases but it is infatuation and attraction that increases as a result of these conflicts. Wherever there is less conflict, there is less infatuation and attraction. Any household where conflicts between husband and wife is reduced, consider that there is less infatuation and attraction between them. Is this something that can be understood?

Questioner: Yes and wherever there is excessive infatuation and attraction, there is also a lot of jealousy.

Dadashri: All these problems, including jealousy arise only from infatuation and attraction. When two people fight a lot with each other, realize that there is excessive infatuation and attraction between them. I do not refer to these conflicts as fighting even if they slap each other. I call it parrot-play. It is like when parrots nudge at each other with their beaks but in the end there is no bloodshed. Such is the play of parrots!

When we hear such truth, we laugh at our mistakes and foolishness. It is when one hears such truth that one feels a sense of detachment towards the worldly life, and one begins to question his past mistakes. Alas! Not only has one made mistakes but one has also suffered tremendously.

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