Instead of nagging all the time, it is better to maintain your silence. Your attempts to improve your children by persistent nagging only makes them worse. Instead it would be better not to say anything at all. If they become spoilt, the responsibility is yours. Do you understand this?
If we tell children not to do something, they will insist on doing it nevertheless and be worse off than before, so we will end up losing them altogether. These fathers have no clue about how to live their lives. They do not know the first thing about fatherhood and yet they become fathers. I have to explain everything to them using every possible means available. Those who have received this Gnan are able to raise their children well. They sit with their children and explain to them in a loving manner what the consequences of their mistakes will be.
Generally when one parent rebukes the child, the other parent will stand up for him, so any hope of improving the child is ruined. The child will develop a fondness for the parent that takes his side and he will feel antagonism towards the parent who seeks to discipline. And when that child grows up, he will retaliate against that parent.
In order to guide your older children, you must follow my Agnas (5 cardinal instructions given by the Gnani after the Gnan Vidhi). Unless children ask for your advice, do not say anything to them.You should tell them that it would be better if they did not ask you. If you start thinking negatively about them, you must immediately do pratikraman (apology coupled with remorse for any wrongdoing)
In this age, the power to improve others is lost so do not expect to improve anyone. Give up any hope of improving others. Unless there is unity within your mind, your speech, and your actions, your efforts will be futile. This means that you should speak whatever is on your mind and act accordingly. But this is not possible in this day and age. Interact reasonably with everyone in the family.
People do grave harm to themselves as well as to others in their efforts to improve them. First you must improve yourself, only then can you improve others.
You should constantly maintain the intent that you want your child's understanding to improve. In doing so, you will notice a change after some time. Your child will eventually come to understand. You just have to keep praying for him. But if you keep nagging him, he will go against you. You have to adjust and accept things as they are.
If your complaint is about your child drinking alcohol, I would tell you to accept it because the fault is yours. I would however tell you to keep a positive intent for him. The law of nature and the law of the world are both different. People will always tell you that the child is at fault and you too will believe it, but nature's law says, 'the fault is yours.
If you become a friend to your children, they will improve. But if you assert your authority as a parent, you will risk losing them. Your friendship should be such that the child will not go looking for comfort and guidance elsewhere. You should do everything a friend would do, with your child; play games, sports, drink tea together etc. Only then will he remain yours, otherwise you will end up losing him. Does any child accompany his father on the funeral pyre? These children are not really yours. Nature only makes them appear to be yours. First you should make the decision that you want to live with them as friends, and then you will be able to do so. If your friend is doing something wrong, how far will you go to caution him? You would only give him advice to the point where he listens, but you would not nag him. If he does not listen, then you would tell him that the decision is his. To be a friend to your child, you have to accept that from the worldly perspective you are his father, but in your mind you should think of yourself as being his son. When the father comes down to the level of his child, he will be accepted as a friend. There is no other way to become a friend.
1) The relationship with the world is a relative one; it is not a real (tatvik; eternal) relation. If one becomes aware of this, one can come out of it.
2) We believe that this is 'our' home and 'our' family. No, it is a 'shop' for us to settle our karmas. It is like a customer-businessman relationship.
1) If you become a friend to your children, they will improve. But if you assert your authority as a parent, you will risk losing them. Your friendship should be such that the child will not go looking for comfort and guidance elsewhere.
2) You should constantly maintain the intent that you want your child's understanding to improve. In doing so, you will notice a change after some time. Your child will eventually come to understand. You just have to keep praying for him. But if you keep nagging him, he will go against you. You have to adjust and accept things as they are.
Book Name: Generation Gap (Page #17 Paragraph #5 & #6; Entire Page #18; Page #19 Paragraph #1, #2)