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How to talk so kids will listen to you effectively?

Most parents complain that their kids do not listen to them. What do you do when someone on the other side of a phone call cannot listen to what you say? Don’t you try at your end so that the other person can listen? This is exactly what you need to do when it comes to how to get kids to listen; you need to know how to talk so kids will listen.

The daily interaction right from going to school upto after-school homework is essential. We don’t want these interactions to be battles. The main button we want to press is our words should not hurt them. Start the day with loving words. The kids are our dependents. They are here for our love and warmth.

The words that irritate the child are instruction words - do this and do that or don’t do this. Consider this - how insulting would you feel when you have to work with your boss or spouse watching you behind your shoulder and yelling at you ‘complete this, do it fast, you are always late!, you are clumsy,...’ Your child is small, but he has his independent will and freedom to choose as per his preference.

Now consider this - how happy you were whenever you got any appreciation from boss, friends or family. So make sure you appreciate your child daily for small things you want to encourage.

You can analyze your daily situation and come up with adjustments:

  • When a kid comes home, talk to him - ‘looks like you must be tired have some drink or food’, instead of reminding about homework and things which are to be done, talk about things he likes - his friends, games. This is a kid-friendly tip, when it comes to how to talk so kids will listen. Spend quality time encouraging him to talk more about his interest. The best thing you can give your child is to spend time with them. You would be amazed to realize the different aspects of your child and find a new friend in him.
  • Come up with a fixed time when to sit for studies and convey it with loving words. Don’t keep reminding the same thing - it shows that you don’t have confidence in him. Let him bear the consequence of not doing homework a couple of times. The realization one gets by experiencing anything first hand teaches more, than anyone else.
  • Say without losing your cool or peace on your face - like ‘once your brushing and bathing is done then we will have breakfast. Or you can have a quick peek in your mobile.’
  • Come up with different ways to present what you want to say to him like- 'Let’s sit for studies early, so you can play with friends in the evening or watch T.V later.’
  • You may ask your kid to pick up clothes but in a normal tone without any force and without dialogues like ‘how many times I have to tell you the same things!’ Or ‘you never listen to me!’. Somedays you might have to pick up clothes and tell him with love once in a few days.
  • Positive words encourage a person. Positive words have happy vibration. Therefore, encourage the positive side and ignore the negative side -which means appreciate the things you want him to do. This is the easiest way to try when it comes to how to talk so kids will listen. Consider the following examples, ‘The day when you complete your homework early, you enjoy as you will get to play more with your friends.’ or ‘The day when you play in the fresh air you are more happy and energetic.’ or ‘ The day we all have dinner together on the dining table we eat healthy and feel connected’  or ‘The day you get ready in morning early, you have more time to do your favorite things.’
  • Not all days are smooth, some will be rough but don’t let that affect your intent - intent not to hurt your little one.
  • Always speak in a positive manner because there is a Soul within every person including your little one. When something positive happens, it is wrong to say anything negative about it. All these problems arise because one states the negative in that which is positive. This is something you should take care of when it is the matter of how to talk so kids will listen. And whenever you say, “No harm done,” the instant you say this, tremendous changes take place from within. So always speak positively.
  • Readout interesting stories to kids on the topics you think you want them to improve.

Param Pujya Dadashri says, "Nothing negative has happened to me for so many years. I have never experienced even the slightest negativity in any circumstance. If your mind becomes positive, you become divine, which is why I tell people to get rid of their negativity through maintaining equanimity. Then only the positive will remain. In your worldly affairs, stay positive. In nischaya (real viewpoint), neither the positive nor the negative exists".

Argumentativeness in the Child is Indeed a Reaction Returning to You

Questioner: (If we say anything, then) my children argue a lot. They tell us, “Why are you lecturing us ?”

Dadashri: In spite of them arguing a lot if you indeed teach them with love, then their arguments will decrease. These arguments are your reaction. Up to now, you have continued to intimidate them, isn't it! That does not go away from their mind, it certainly cannot be erased. So, then, it is due to this that they continue to argue. Not a single child argues with me. That is because I am talking to all of you with true love.

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