When parents worry and grieve for their children who have died, their unhappiness reaches the children wherever they are now. People, who grieve after the dead, do so because of ignorance, therefore it is important for them to know the facts and live peacefully. What is the point of worrying unnecessarily? Death is inevitable for all. These young ones who die are your accounts from your past life's interactions. These are all accounts of give and take. I too had a son and a daughter, but they both died. They were guests in our home. They came and they left. They were not our property anyway. We too will have to go some day, will we not? So do not worry about the dead. Instead give peace and happiness to those who are still alive. Our duty is to those who are living and dependent upon us. Those who are gone are gone. Stop even remembering them. What foolishness is it to recall those who have gone and grieve after them instead of taking care and giving peace to those who are still living? Instead people dwell in the past, oblivious of those present and living. In doing so they are not fulfilling their duty.
Those who have departed from us become unhappy wherever they are because the effect of our unhappiness reaches them. Nothing is in our hands. Even the scriptures tell us not to worry about loved ones that have departed. The rituals of prayer and scriptural readings are practiced in order for people to forget their loved ones. You too went through such rituals, did you not?
Questioner: But I cannot forget. I was very close to my son.
Dadashri: Yes, it is not easy to forget, but if you do not, it will make you both miserable. As a father you have to ensure that you do not hurt him any more.
Questioner: In what way is he hurt?
Dadashri: When you grieve over him, your unhappiness reaches him exactly and for sure. It is akin to a telephone or a television in terms of its remote effects. This is the nature of vibrations created within, in this world. Will your grieving bring him back?
Dadashri: Is there anyway that he will come back?
Dadashri: When you grieve, your grief reaches him and when you pray for him, your prayers too reach him and he will be at peace. Is it not your duty to give him peace? You can even distribute some sweets to the children at school in your son's memory.
Whenever you remember your son, you should say a prayer for the liberation of his soul. Uttering the names of Self-realized beings like 'Krupadudev' or even 'Dada Bhagwan' will help you. That is because both 'Dada Bhagwan' and 'Krupadudev' are the same as far as the Soul is concerned. They are different beings, but in their elemental form they are the same. Even when you say the name of Lord Mahavir, it is one and the same. Your only desire should be for the liberation of his soul. You pray for the good of others, so why must you not do the same for those who are very close to you? You lived with him and shared everything with him and now your only desire should be for his salvation.
Questioner: How can you ask for forgiveness from those who have died?
Dadashri: Even though they are dead, you can still do through their photographs and you can remember their faces. Or you can still use their name and do pratikraman, and it will reach him. For pratikraman, first recall their pure Soul, which is completely separate from the mind, body, speech and all karmas, of the dead person. Then recall and confess your mistakes (alochana). Ask for forgiveness (pratikraman) for that mistake and resolve not to repeat that mistake ever again (pratyakhyan). 'You', the pure Soul should remain the Knower and the Seer of 'Chandubhai' (the relative self) and know how many pratikraman he does, how sincerely he does them and how many times he does them.
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