‘Avoiding clashes with the outside world is fine, but how do I avoid fighting with my family?’
You should never quarrel with your family members. How can you clash with someone who loves you so much and whom you love too? These clashes need to end. Why do we want to spoil everything through family conflicts? This simply does not suit us.
Every morning take a vow not to see faults in others and not to clash with anyone throughout the day. We cannot be happy when we hurt others. We want to achieve happiness by making others happy. If you give happiness in your home, you will certainly get happiness in return. The world is not meant for suffering; it is meant for enjoying.
Your highest goal should be to protect those who have been placed in your care. Protect them even if they make mistakes. Never intimidate any of your family members. Parents, grand-parents, children, husband, wife – these are people of your own family! Do not find faults with them.
Clashes do not occur every day. They only occur when your past karma are ready to give their effect. Adjust when this happens. And make sure the friction does not drive you apart from your loved ones. The other person will create division with you, but you should not create division with them. Never let a distance develop in your relationship due to these clashes. If it does, try and bridge it at the earliest.
Recognize the nature of the people in your home to avoid family conflict
Recognize the personality of everyone in the home. There may be fifty people in the household, but because you do not recognize their nature, disputes arise. You need to recognize their differences. If one person in the house complains all the time, then that is his nature. And then simply understand that such is the habit of the other person, so you will remain unaffected. Our real nature transcends all habits. All situations will be solved with this knowledge. If, however, you get stuck in a situation, conflict will continue. Become noble and graceful, deposit everything that comes to you with joy like an ocean and move on. Everyone will feel your love. They will notice your openness and appreciate it too.
Someone in the home may say, “You are an idiot.” At this time you should accept the fact that this is the manner in which this person speaks. This is how you adjust. If you return his insult, you will exhaust yourself and the conflict will continue. That person has collided with you, but if you collide with him, then it just goes to prove that you too, are blind. You should understand the differences in the nature of human beings in order to make it easier for you to adjust.
People are Invaluable, Things are Replaceable
When you place more value on the items in your home rather than the people, then you are inadvertently making a huge loss. The things in your home may cost a few hundred dollars, but when you hurt someone you are making a loss worth hundreds of thousands. Is it really worth it?
If you both fight over a couch, then throw that couch away. That couch is worth only a few hundred dollars. Is it worth fighting over? It will only sow seeds of hatred. Just get rid of it. Anything that causes conflicts in the home should be thrown away. The reason behind this is that the people in your home are invaluable, whereas the things in your home are replaceable. You will be able to buy new things, but how will you repair the heart of your loved ones, whom you hurt?
You should tell everyone at home, "We are not each other's enemies; nobody has any quarrels with anyone. There is no need to have differences of opinion. Let us share with each other what we have and let us be happy." That is how you should think and do everything. You should never quarrel with people at home. How can you quarrel with people you have to share the same home with? Nobody has ever been happy by making others miserable and we want to be happy by giving happiness. We can only be happy if we make others happy at home.
Questioner : What should we do if sometimes there is a major conflict in our home?
Dadashri : A wise man would never get into any conflict, even if he were offered a hundred thousand rupees. But, people fight every moment without any financial reward. Is that not sheer stupidity? Lord Mahavir had to leave his home and walk miles and miles in search of penance in order to dissipate his karma, and this He was able to accomplish amidst barbaric and dangerous people. People today are so fortunate that they find such individuals in their very homes! What tremendous fortune! This is so helpful and beneficial towards dissipating your karma, providing you remain in Gnan!