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How to raise a child with discipline and good manners?

Questioner : How to raise a child with discipline and good manners?

Dadashri: If you are a vegetarian, you do not drink alcohol and you treat your wife with respect, your children will take note of your virtues. They will notice how other parents fight, whereas their parents do not. They learn this through simple observation.

Everyday the husband fights with his wife in front of the children. As they observe this, they begin to think that their father is at fault. Your son may be small but he has a keen sense of justice. Girls on the other hand, will tend to side with their mothers because their intellect does not seek justice. Boys however, will judge their father because their intellect seeks justice. As the boy grows up, his judgment against his father will strengthen and his resolve to get even with him will also grow strong when he listens to others. Later in his life he will take his revenge on the father for abusing his mother.

Parents should not fight in front of their children. They should set some standards for their conduct. If either parent makes a mistake, they should forgive each other. The children will witness this and be at peace. If parents want to fight, they should wait until they are alone, then they can fight as long as they want. When children witness their parents fighting they develop a negative attitude towards one parent or the other. So it is indeed the parents who are responsible for ruining their children these days.

At the dinner table some fathers create a big fuss if there is too much salt in the food or something is not to his liking. They think that just because they are the heads of the household, they have the right to flare up any time. The children are terrified by such outbursts. They think that their father has gone mad, but they dare not utter a single word. So they suppress their emotions, but in their minds they form an opinion about their father.

Children are tired of witnessing such scenes between their parents. Some even decide that they will not get married. When I ask them why, they tell me they have seen what marriage is all about when they witness their parents fighting and that they have come to the conclusion that there is no happiness in marriage.

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