Questioner: How to deal with children's defiant behaviour. Please give some tips for parents.
Dadashri: A father once complained to me that his children had become defiant. I told him that their defiance was a reflection of his own past conduct. If he were a worthy father, his children would not retaliate. By making such complaints, he was exposing his own negativities.
If you keep nagging your children and telling them off, they will become spoilt. Entrust them to me if you want them to be good. I will talk to them and mould them so that they will become good.
Disobedience in children reflects on parents. It is the parents who are at fault. So I have labeled them, "Unqualified fathers and unqualified mothers". It is no wonder the children turn out the way they do. That is why I tell you to learn the requirements of a certified parent before you marry.
The father does not know the first thing about how to live life or how the world operates, so he keeps beating his children. Some fathers thrash their children as though they were dirty clothes. Children should be given the help to improve, not beaten. It is very wrong to beat children. I have seen people physically abuse their children as if they were punching bags.
Real parents are those who manage to change their children's behavior through love and understanding, even when the child does dreadful things. But such love is not to be found, because the parents themselves are loveless. This world can only be won over through love.
1) One is not to win the world, he has to win the home (family).
2) A father will not keep looking for faults in his children if he is very religious/pious. One should not see faults in a prakruti (relative self). When one does that, it reaches the God within that prakruti. Prakruti is predetermined, it is vyavasthit (result of scientific circumstantial evidence).
You can read Dadashri's book on "Pure Love" to attain real understanding of the kind of love to shower on children.
Book Name: Generation Gap (Page #11 Paragraph #2 to #6)