What should be done when an open clash between you and your child arises? What should be done when your child cries? Let’s learn the art of dealing with such behaviors coming from your child!
Give a thought on the following:
When you have a complaint about a particular behavior of your child, did you ever check whether you behave in the same way with the child?
Start listening to her and returning favors and see the change. Spend time with them, respect them and start doing whatever we expect them to do.
Param Pujya Dadashri explains how to handle stubborn behavior in the below discourse:
As a Parent, you need not become obstinate along with the child; rather, pacify your child
Dadashri: Once you smooth things out then it will continue running. However, people make their child even more obstinate. They become obstinate along with their child. If the child does not speak, then the mother does not talk either.
Questioner: Yes, her face becomes sullen.
Dadashri: Her face becomes sullen. Hence, this is not a quality of becoming a mother, is it?! It is done by observing others; if someone beats their child, then she too will beat her child.
Questioner: I do not want to do that. I wish to know how a mother should be.
Dadashri: What happens when your child becomes stubborn and you too become stubborn?
Questioner: When the mother becomes stubborn and the child becomes stubborn, then the child gets a beating.
Dadashri: No, but there is no point in that, is there? The child's stubbornness should be broken.
Questioner: How can it be broken?
Dadashri: Whatever makes him happy, make him happy for a little while by soothing him, and then things will be fine. After that, her obstinacy will go away. You have to pacify her for the time she is being obstinate.
Other important tips for parents to help deal with children’s defiant behavior:
1) In a true sense, the world is not to be won. The home (family) needs to be won.
2) A father will not keep looking for faults in his children if he is very religious/pious. One should not see faults in a prakruti (relative self). When one does that, it reaches the God within that prakruti. Prakruti is predetermined, it is vyavasthit (result of scientific circumstantial evidence).
3) Just as one acts in a drama, remain superficial like that. Children may have to be scolded, a few words may need to be exchanged with the wife, but dialogue should be dramatic. There should be a calmness to your anger (gusso). What is considered dramatic language (bhasha)? It means to pull on the chain of calmness and then show the anger. That is called a drama!
You can read Dadashri's book on "Pure Love" to attain real understanding of the kind of love to shower on children.
Also for kids there are stories you could read them at bedtime.