How can I have a happy marriage?

Param Pujya Dadashri and Hiraba’s married life was full of peace, mutual respect and humility. Their worldly conduct and interactions were idyllic so much so, that family and friends noticed the unity and love they had for each other. For instance, Hiraba would visit the local vegetable market on a daily basis, she would ask Param Pujya Dadashri, ‘What vegetables should I buy?’ Thus, performing her duty of asking and He would reply ‘Buy whatever you would like’, thus fulfilling His. This ritual of asking Param Pujya Dadashri, Hiraba performed to the very end of her life with sincerity.

Their every worldly communication was upheld with sincerity, these interactions did not increase nor decrease because of circumstances or people. Their reverence for each other continued with understanding throughout their entire life. This humility which existed between them was not subjective, it was performed with consideration and understanding.

Above is just one example from Param Pujya Dadashri’s life. By using the simple tips outlined by Him below, you will also be able to learn how to have a happy marriage.

Become friends for life, not husband and wife

A true companion does not create discord. Just as you would not let anything come between you and your friend, in the same manner you should do the same when dealing with your spouse. If you do not look out for your friend, your friendship will end. Friendship means friendship. Husband and wife are considered friends. Therefore, they have to run their home like two friends would. There should be a lot of peace between a husband and a wife. If there is any hurt in the relationship, it cannot be considered a ‘husband and wife relationship’. When even friends do not hurt each other, how can a husband and wife do so? The friendship between a husband and wife is the highest friendship of all.

Use words of appreciation

If your wife gets upset with you, wait a while and then say to her, “No matter what you say to me and no matter how upset you get with me, I miss you when you are not around!” Tell your wife that you do not like being separated from her. Just go ahead and say this ‘Guru Mantra’ (words that give results). You should express your love and appreciation to your wife in order to have a happy marriage life. What is the problem in doing so? Just tell her you do not like being away from her. You should keep most of your love to yourself, but do share and express some of it!

Bring about harmony in marriage life

The ultimate ‘light’ (knowledge) is where not even a single being is hurt in the slightest degree. Even the opponent will become pacified and they will say, “We have our differences but at the same time I have a lot of respect for you.” However, the opposition will always be there. Not everyone has the same viewpoints. Not everyone can be on the same level of thinking. At home, your interactions should be filled with harmony. Your wife should feel that she will never find a husband like you and you should feel like you will never find a wife like her. When this happens, your life together is considered worthy and you will have a happy marriage.

Do not interfere

Just as you have an outline of your responsibilities at work, you should also have an outline of your responsibilities for your married life. Once there is a clear demarcation of what falls under whose department, then you should not interfere in the other person’s department.  Men should not interfere in women’s affairs and women should not interfere with men’s affairs. Each should stay within his or her departments. However, if you see that your spouse is not able to cope with their responsibilities, then no doubt you should help them. Only then will you be able to have a happy married life.

Loyalty in Relationship

There should be no sexual contact or relationship with anyone other than your spouse. The most ominous danger that exists is that of taking pleasure with someone else’s wife or husband. There is no danger with your own wife. Then only it is said to be sincere to your spouse.

Improve relationship with spouse

A husband once complained to Param Pujya Dadashri that his wife does not want his parents to live with them or invite them. Param Pujya Dadashri advised him to make her understand and do things democratically. He advised him to invite her parents and take good care of them. Improve your relationship with your wife to the extent that she herself will tell you to take care of your parents.

Unity in Opinions

The Gnani Purush gives us the key to avoid separation due to matbhed (difference of opinion) and this key is, ‘We are all one and there is no difference in us.’ One should repeat this sentence five times every morning, then one day; a time will come when you will not have any matbhed with anyone.

The following excerpts have been added from an actual spiritual discourse with Param Pujya Dadashri.

1) Dadashri: Do not harbour any opinions, especially after marriage. Why should there be any differences of opinion after marriage? There will be no discord if you do not have an opinion. You both got married, so how can you afford to have opinions that are contrary?

Questioner: We should not, but it does happen.

Dadashri: So get rid of the differing opinions. Is it right for you to keep differences? If so, you shouldn’t have married. Since you did marry, you both should become one.

2) Questioner: What suggestions do you have to stop these differences of opinion?

Dadashri : I am showing you the path of ‘Adjust everywhere’. If she tells you she has made khichdi, then you must adjust to it. And in other situations if you tell her that you want to go to satsang, then she must adjust to you. Whoever makes the suggestion first, the other person should adjust accordingly.

Improve your life:

• Work Day
  Leave your home without any quarrels, and if you have a conflict at work with your boss then settle your mind on the way home. Leave your work problems, at work. Enter your home with a quiet mind. Do not have any disputes in the home. If you fight with your boss, what fault is it of your poor spouse?
• Holiday
  On your day off, you should take your family for an outing. Have a nice meal at home, make good food, and then take them out. Limit your expense when you go out. If sometimes you have to spend extra money, then you can budget it out, but limit your expenses. Decide all this with the approval of your spouse.