Nagging – the constant prodding – at one’s spouse is a common complaint in marriage. Typically, the husband complains that the wife keeps nagging him and the wife complains that he never does what he is supposed to do. This constant bickering only results in unhappiness, hurt and division. The solution lies in love and learning the art of how to deal with a nagging wife through right understanding.
Have you ever asked yourself why your wife nags you? She nags you because she is hurt by your behavior. She should not get hurt. If she gets hurt, you have to do pratikraman. You should have in your mind that you have come to make her happy. You should be inquiring within, 'What mistakes am I making that are making me hurt my wife?’ When you realize what you are doing wrong, you should make a constant effort to change your behavior so as not to hurt her.
In the office, you have to play the role of an employee and in the home, you have to play the role of a husband. You will have to act accordingly; the role of an employee, then the role of a husband to your wife; will you not have to know how to act? Otherwise, your wife will give you trouble. Is that not so? It is because you do not know how to deal with her; otherwise, she would not give you any trouble if you did. Your wife has not come to give you trouble; she has come to make a home for you. However, when one of you falls short in your role, the other party will start to nag. Yes, it is because you do not have the know-how therefore she nags you!
Questioner: When we are driving, she tells me how to drive, where to take a turn, when to slow down, and when to apply the brakes. She is always nagging, “Drive this way, and drive that way.”
Dadashri: So leave the driving to her, then there will be no hassle.
Questioner: Then she’ll say she does not have the courage to drive.
Dadashri: Then ask her why she interferes with your driving. Ask her if your driving is hurting her in any way. Tell her that the only reason she gets away with her criticisms is because you are her husband. Ask her if she would criticize the chauffer the same way. She knows that if she did, he would tell her to be quiet or get out, putting her in a predicament.
When your car is overheated, do you hit it with a stick or do you come up with ways to cool the radiator? Naturally, you find a way to cool the radiator by turning on the fan. In the same way, when your wife starts to nag you:
1) You must not retaliate.
2) You should change your conduct in such a manner that she has no reason to nag you in the first place.
3) You must conduct your interactions with your wife in such a manner that your love for each other does not decrease.
1) One who does not allow discord [with the wife] to happen even for a minute is considered a [true] husband. Look after this relationship in the same way that you would not allow the relationship with a friend to spoil. If you do not look after your relationship with your friend, then the friendship will break.
2) When is one considered to have learnt to become a husband? It is when the wife continuously experiences veneration (respect) for him.
3) How long will your acting as a husband (being boss of the wife) last? As long as you are not at fault.
To understand that conflicts are our own creations and that no one else is to be blamed, read the book on “Fault is of the Sufferer.”