What is the reason behind the problems in marriage?

Questioner : What is the reason behind this discord?

Dadashri : The differences occur because the husband thinks he is intelligent and the wife thinks she is intelligent. Here come two bags full of intelligence! You wouldn't even get a dime if you were to sell these bags! Instead, be aware and observe her intelligence…oh my! How intelligent she is! That way even she will calm down. But if you exercise your intellect and she does the same, there will be a fight. Who experiences more discord, you or her?

Questioner : She is the one who gets upset more.

Dadashri : What is discord? Let me explain. Have you ever played the game of tug-of-war?

Questioner : Yes.

Dadashri : Two teams of players will pull a rope at opposite ends. Conflict is synonymous to a game of tug-of-war. What will happen if you both are pulling strongly at opposite ends?

Questioner : It will break.

Dadashri : If it breaks, you will have to tie a knot in it. Instead of having to tie a knot, what is wrong with simply leaving the rope intact? If she pulls hard, you should just let go.

Questioner : But of the two, who should be the first to let go?

Dadashri : The one who has understanding. The one who has the right understanding will let go and the one who is using the wrong intellect will continue pulling. But when you let go, do not let go all of a sudden, because if you do, she will fall. Let go very gradually, otherwise the poor person on the opposing end, will fall down. So from now on, will you let go of this rope? Let go, otherwise you will have to tie a knot in it and then use it. Does it look good to tie knots in it every day? You have to use that rope again! What do you think? Do you have discord at home? It should not occur at all. If it happens then you are an unfit husband, and if the wife does it, then she is an unfit wife.

Related Spiritual Quotes by Param Pujya Dadashri: 1) Not allowing discord even for a minute, that is true husband. Just as the relation with a friend we do not let ruined, one should be equally careful with the wife. Our friendship with a friend will end if we do not protect it.
2) Should we not have good conduct at home? Do we not make sure that we do not trample on the plant that belongs to our garden?

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Reference: Book Name : "Harmony in marriage" ( Page #22 and paragraph #2).