Is it better to remain silent for conflict prevention?

There are times in life when conflicts arise and we do not know how to deal with the situation at hand. In that moment, the first thing that usually comes to mind is to remain silent rather than say something that may make matters worse. But is this the correct solution for conflict prevention? Let us find out what Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan has to say on the matter:

Questioner: Is it possible to dissipate conflict by not speaking to the other person?

Dadashri: No, it is not possible. You should speak to the other person if you encounter them. You should ask how he is doing. If the other person reacts with hostility, you should quietly try to resolve the situation with equanimity. You will have to resolve the situation, sooner or later. Just because you do not speak to the other person, does not mean that the problem has been resolved. It is because the problem has not been resolved that people end up not speaking to each other. Not speaking to the other person means there is a burden of the unresolved conflict. You should approach the other person and say, “Tell me if I have done something wrong. I make a lot of mistakes. You are a very intelligent person, you are learned and you do not make many mistakes. I however, am not as learned and so I make a lot of mistakes.” If you say this to other person, he will be appeased.

Questioner: What if he does not calm down even after I say this?

Dadashri: What can you do if he does not calm down? Once you say this to him, you are free, what other solution is there? He will calm down someday. You cannot soften the other person by telling him off. He may appear to have calmed down but from within he makes a mental note of it and will throw it in your face when you least expect it. So understand that his world lives on vengeance. The fact is that people will continue to harbor vengeance; they retain atoms of revenge within so you must try to resolve the situation completely.

Questioner: What should I do if I try to break the silence by asking for forgiveness from the other person but instead, he reacts even more negatively?

Dadashri: Then you should not say anything to him. If he has the misconception of, ‘The one who gives in is a weakling,’ then you should stay away from him. Then, whatever happens is correct. However, resolve everything with those who are straightforward and easy to deal with. Can you not tell who in your household is easy to get along with and who is difficult?

Questioner: If the other person is not straightforward, should we sever the relationship with him?

Dadashri: Do not sever it. Worldly interactions are not such that they will break by you breaking them. You should just remain silent and then one day he or she will get angry and bring about a resolution. If you remain quiet, then one day she will get angry and ask you, “You do not say anything anymore. You have not said anything for so many days.” When she gets angry, you will resolve things.

Is silence an admission of Guilt?

You might think, ‘If I remain silent, the other person may mistake my silence as admission of my guilt and in turn fight even harder with me.’ However, this is only your belief. If a man gets up to go to the bathroom in the night and bumps into the wall, does that mean that the wall bumped into him because he remained silent?

If this wall has the power to do anything, then so does this body. Do we have the authority or the power to fight with this wall? In the same way, what is the point of getting angry and fighting with people? The other person definitely does not have the independent control or power, so why don’t you also become like the wall? When you scold your wife, the God within her is making note of what you are doing. If she starts to scold you, you should become like the wall, and the God within you will help you.

On your part, when you decide and maintain a strong resolve that you do not want to get involved in any friction with others, it is the beginning of your right belief; going ahead this firm resolution of yours will help you bring an end all the conflicts in your life. It will result in a spontaneous, inner, intuitive approach within you, which will guarantee your liberation from all conflicts.