What to do for helping elders at home?

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that if you look for God outside, you will not be able to find him. Therefore, serve the people. Because, God resides within every living being. 

Helping elders not only brings us material progress, but also elevates us spiritually. Param Pujya Dadashri says that, “By serving the elderly, our spiritual Science blossoms. Is it possible to serve an idol? Do the legs of an idol ache? Service is actually to be done for one’s guardians, the elderly, or for one’s guru.”

Let’s help elders by understanding their problems

Caring for elderly means serving our parents, in-laws, grandparents, or any other elderly person we live with. Some children do not live with their parents, instead they live with their uncles and aunts. So, taking care of them is also considered as serving elders.

We consider chanting God's name, counting beads, reciting mantras, doing penance, or observing fasts as religion. But the living God resides within the elders. Whatever we have studied, or learned about religion, we should use it to protect the elders, and to find ways of how to serve them.

Let us help elders if they have any chores, let’s massage their feet if in pain, not only the body, but even if someone is mentally hurt, then we should do something to make them feel relieved, we should behave in the way that makes them happy, this is also called helping elders. Elderly people face a lot of problems in old age. If we try to understand their pain and difficulty, and try to cure it, so that they get a lot of satisfaction, their heart will be at ease.

Nowadays, when the son gets married and brings his bride home, then both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law quarrel on small or big matters daily, and eventually the son and daughter-in-law move out. Then when their elderly parents need help, they won’t even look back to help them. Then when it is time to take care of the parents at home and serve them, they spoil their mood, and get frustrated to keep them in their own house. Actually, if both the son and the daughter-in-law live with their parents after marriage, then clashes in the house shall be avoided. They should adjust ensure that the parents and in-laws are not hurt. Those who want peace should let go of their stubbornness.

Many times, for helping elders at home, we must keep aside our pleasures. At that time, one shall not say “I am not able to go out to eat. I am not able to roam out, I don’t have time for myself.” Do not let your mind wander like this. In families living abroad, children send their greetings to parents or elderly maybe once a year by phone. Instead, if we take time out to visit them personally and treat them with love, then such heartily behaviour will resonate very highly with them as well.

If we hurt our parents, in-laws, or elders, we will suffer in our life. Not only that, it will create obstacles in our religious and spiritual progress as well.

Let us serve the elderly by understanding their pain

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that, in this period, the most distressed are the elderly aged 60-65 years. The pain and misery that the elderly feels are intense and unbearable. But whom can they share it with? They’re in such a situation where they cannot express, cannot endure anything, cannot live, or cannot die.

As old age sets in, even their children are unable to take care of elderly parents. Children wish to live according to the ways of the new generation, while parents want to live according to the old ways. Because both generations are of such different natures, small and big clashes happen daily. Friction arises due to the generation gap.

Moreover, when the son and daughter-in-law live with their parents, the relationship between them often shifts from affection to hatred. Due to expectations towards each other, differences in their lifestyles, the inability to understand each other’s viewpoints, as well as the forming opinions towards each other every day bring bitterness into their relationship. Children start seeing faults in their parents, which gives parents a lot of suffering. They often reflect on how they took care of their children for years, and now they are unwelcomed! Consequently, instead of helping elders at home, the love between parents and children breaks, feelings dry up, and that gives parents great misery.  

When parents grow older, the children become weary of serving them. After having seen their parents’ faults for so many years, they can no longer serve them with love. This also causes immense pain to the parents. Many a times, educated sons and daughters-in-laws do not even allow their parents to play with their grandchildren. Those who raised their children and got them married are now told, “You don’t know how to handle things; you’ll spoil everything,” and are pushed aside. Because of all this, parents suffer from mental anguish. Peace and happiness vanish from the house. Instead of caring for the elderly, the son becomes more dependent on his wife and hence the distance between the son and parents’ increases. Eventually, to fulfill their own desire for independence, they move into a separate house. Some cruel children even force their parents out of their own home or send them to an old age home.

As the parents age, their pains and helplessness increase. They are repeatedly reminded that when their time comes, their children are not fulfilling their responsibilities towards them. At that time, they feel deeply saddened. A huge responsibility of this pain that the parents feel, lies on the children.

Parents who face financial difficulties experience unbearable helplessness. While some may have wealth and money, but when their children do not sit with them, do not spend time with them and the thought that there is no one with whom they can share their heartache, makes them deeply sad.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan was able to see this pain of the elderly through His realized Self. He deeply felt that there should be a proper place for elderly parents to live. If the place is close to the temple, they could go there walking. Elders, around sixty, sixty-five years old, could come and stay there, and along with that, they shall be given Self-realization so they would find peace.

Instead of calling that place an old age home for helping elders, it shall be given a unique name. There they could engage in worship, devotion, and participate in activities, so the later years of their life could pass peacefully and happily. Pujya Niruma established ‘Nirant,’ which fulfilled Dada Bhagwan’s this very vision, offering all kinds of physical, mental, spiritual, and health-related facilities for the elderly. With daily satsang, devotion, morning and evening aarti, and activities, their time there is spent joyfully.