Understanding What Desire Means
Desire is like a burning fire. The moment a desire is born, an internal burning arises. Until that which is desired is obtained, one keeps burning inside, and thus suffering is created.
Just as when a flame slightly touches cotton, does it burn halfway or completely? It continues to burn until the entire piece of cotton is reduced to ashes. In the exact same way, once the desire to obtain something catches fire, until that desire is fulfilled, one keeps burning with the constant thought, "When will I get it? When will I get it?" One finds no peace of mind and becomes completely consumed by it. This is precisely why desire is called an burning fire.
Some have a desire to get married, a desire to get a good husband or a good wife. If some couples do not have children even after years of marriage, putreshna (the desire to have a child) arises. Some have a desire to earn a lot of money, build a nice house, or buy an expensive car. Women may desire to wear gold and diamond jewellery or expensive clothes. Some have a desire to gain honour and fame in society.
What Causes Desire
Why does desire arise? There is a very deep secret behind it. Whatever desires occur, whether it is wanting something, wanting to enjoy something, or wanting to acquire something, the reason for them is that a human being does not find inner happiness, and therefore goes looking for happiness from the outside. However, permanent happiness is not found in external objects or people, and consequently, dissatisfaction arises.
At the root of it, desire arises from illusory attachment (moha). If a desire is fulfilled, the attachment increases; if it is not fulfilled, the inner burning persists.
The law of desire is such that when one worldly desire is fulfilled, it leaves behind another, even greater desire burning in its wake. The second desire when extinguished, a third one ignites. In this way, there is simply no end to desires.
For instance, if a desire to eat ice cream arises, as soon as it is fulfilled, one immediately decides, “We will eat it again next Sunday, it will be fun”. Thus, one desire is extinguished only after igniting another. Then, after eating ice cream the second time, it occurs to them, “We will go out for Chinese food, it will be fun”. In this manner, satisfaction was gained from one thing, but because a second desire was ignited, dissatisfaction remains until that is obtained. Furthermore, if they eat at the Chinese restaurant and do not enjoy it, leaving them unsatisfied, then irritation and restlessness persist.
Once success is achieved in one area of life, the desire to attain even greater success awakens. Then, when that is achieved, upon reaching that stage, it feels as though something is still left to be acquired. In terms of money, if we are earning five lakh, the desire arises to earn ten lakh. Then, when we start earning ten lakh, expenses also keep increasing, so the desire arises to earn even more. Some get a promotion at work, and then they constantly have desires for further promotions and a higher salary increase. Consequently, the same thoughts run through their mind all day long, and they run around just for that.
The pressure of circumstances forces a person to have desires. For example, if there is a beggar, they might feel, “I am exhausted from begging over and over again; it would be better to pick people's pockets to earn money instead”. Therefore, in the next life, they end up becoming a thief. Then, after becoming a thief, they create other new desires.
To take another example, if we have a two-bedroom house and desire to buy a large four-bedroom house, until that desire is fulfilled, it keeps burning inside. In the midst of this, if we attend someone's housewarming ceremony and see their four- or five-room bungalow, it occurs to us, “How wonderful would it be if I also had such a big house?"
Then, pressure begins to be put on whoever is the breadwinner in the house. Alternatively, other excuses are put forward to fulfil one's own desire. For instance, a wife will tell her husband, 'Work a little harder! How long will we stay in such a small house? The children are growing up; won't they need separate rooms?' Not only that, if an advertisement is spotted somewhere saying, 'Cheap loans!', then the greed for money and the attachment to the house, both completely take over. Some even get trapped without checking whether the advertisement is genuine or a scam.
If someone is unable to have a child and the desire persists, an inner burning constantly remains: “It has been so many years, and there is no child”. Then, if they see someone else's child, they get overly attached and keep playing with them. All day long, they remain lost in those exact thoughts. Some even turn to sacred threads, make vows on shrines, or run after astrologers and ascetics. Even if they have plenty of wealth, mutual support between husband and wife, and can play with nieces and nephews in the family, with no other form of misery, worldly life still begins to feel like poison.
Harm Caused by Desires / Effects of Desire
When one's inner tendencies become consumed by pursuing the illusory attachments or unfulfilled desires, a state of true satisfaction can never arise within. For instance, if a person takes one sweet in their own plate but sees three sweets in the neighbour's plate, they think, "I only took one, let me go and get more as well”. The grass always appears greener on the other side. Consequently, even while eating that one sweet, their attention is not on enjoying its taste, and they remain unsatisfied. On top of that, an insatiable hunger to acquire more is created.
In worldly life, this hunger of dissatisfaction never fades. Desires just keep arising that one should do this, or one should do that. For example, first, the desire to build one's own house arises. Once the house is built, the desire to buy a car arises. Once the car is obtained, the desire arises to buy a slightly better, more expensive car with better features. In this manner, as soon as one desire is fulfilled, another ignites, and satisfaction is never achieved.
Even if one has earned a vast amount and has saved enough to last for three generations after them, this hunger of dissatisfaction still keeps a human being running to earn more money. Thinking, “Who can trust money? What if it runs out tomorrow?”, they keep grinding themselves down day after day in the office or business.
Dissatisfaction also arises if one receives less respect or if someone else receives more respect. This hunger of dissatisfaction keeps a person perpetually unhappy. Even if they have received the very best, the moment they look at someone else's, they think, “Theirs is much better; I received less”. Thus, the misery starts all over again. Consequently, we fall into comparing ourselves with others, remain trapped in suffering, cause pain to others, or even start a fight.
If a wife desires diamond jewellery and her husband does not buy it for her, conflict and friction persist until he does: “No matter how many times I've told you, you still don't buy it for me”. And if she sees someone else wearing diamond jewellery outside, an inner fire blazes within: “How beautiful they are, and I don't get to have them".
If we understand this deeply, things not coming together according to our desires, is actually beneficial for us. If everything were to happen exactly as we desired, we would walk around believing, “I am someone special”, and we wouldn't listen to or care about anyone. When things happen rapidly according to our wishes, our temper flares up: “Because I had a desire, it must be fulfilled! How can it not be? Why are you stopping me? Do it by hook or by crook, but get it done!”
Moreover, if one has harboured desires for the wrong path and those also keep getting fulfilled, it would not take long to go astray. On a downward path, we would fail to care for our parents or family, and we wouldn't show any consideration for anyone. Then, there is no telling when we might veer completely off course. Just like on a road where every signal is green, we drive the car at breakneck speed; then, even if a red signal appears somewhere, we ignore it and keep driving, what would happen? An accident would occur. Stopping the car at a red signal in traffic is exactly what prevents our own accident. In the same way, when our desires are not immediately fulfilled, nature is preventing us from going down the wrong path. Having our desires continuously fulfilled is what causes our downfall.
When we face financial obstacles in life, we react with raag-dwesh , thereby binding even more obstacles. For example, if we receive a low salary at work or do not get a bonus, we view the boss as at fault and speak negatively, which creates even greater obstacles to wealth.
How to Overcome Desires
Many people try to stop their desires. However, suppressing or shutting down desires is not the correct path. If we attempt to stop one worldly desire, another desire will manifest. For instance, if we suppress the desire for a big house, a desire for an expensive car will manifest; if we stop that, a third desire will arise.
Dissatisfaction stems from a lack of understanding. It arises from narrow-mindedness, such as thinking: "I want else it, give it to me, let no one have it". Upon gaining right understanding, dissatisfaction is completely eliminated.
Whether a desire is fulfilled or not is not in our hands. Once a desire arises, if favourable external circumstances come together to fulfil it, it will be fulfilled; if circumstances are unfavourable, the desire will not be fulfilled. Therefore, there is no need to run after desires. In business, no one ever desires a loss, yet losses still occur; in the same way, even if we do not desire a profit, it will still come our way.
When a desire is not fulfilled according to our expectations, suffering arrives and we cause pain to others. Suppose we have a desire to go out for a holiday, but for some reason, it is not fulfilled; we become irritated. If we have to let go of our desire, we feel, “Why do I have to let go of it every single time?” At that moment, we must understand that the circumstances have not yet come together. We should simply mention it at home in a normal, gentle manner: “I want to go out for a holiday, please try to arrange it”. Then, everyone at home can think it through together and make a decision. If not this year, the circumstances will come together in the second or third year, and our desire will be fulfilled. Because behind the circumstances not aligning, there could be reasons related to money, work, time, or something else entirely.
Out of twenty desires in the past, nineteen may have been fulfilled, yet if just one desire is not fulfilled, we shouldn't resort to taunting, speaking negatively, and hurting people. We should maintain our conduct in such a way that our family members feel pleased. We should remain positive, thinking that so many desires have been fulfilled so far and everyone helps so much, so this one will also happen one day.
The rule is that we are guests in Nature’s home. It will fulfil all our desires, one after the other. However, we have made countless desires. Suppose we have made a hundred desires; as the first, second, third, fourth, and fifth desire get fulfilled, one after another, it takes time until the hundredth desire is fulfilled. In that time, we lose patience, and our entanglement keeps growing.
If things do not come together according to our desires, we should simply keep making natural efforts. But if we react with attachment-abhorrence, constantly brooding, “I am not getting it, when will I get it?”, and painting a negative picture, we ruin the outcome instead of improving it. Whether a desire is fulfilled or not depends entirely on circumstances. However, if we keep desiring repeatedly, an inner burning will persist, whereas if we do not desire, we will remain in bliss.
One should earn whatever comes naturally and effortlessly with peace of mind. To fulfil the desire to earn more money, it is not worth running around frantically, creating mental turmoil, or resorting to underhanded means. Whether we are earning one lakh a month or ten, it will still feel short because there is simply no end to desires. If we buy a Maruti car today, tomorrow the desire for a Mercedes will arise. Therefore, instead of running around restlessly to earn more, if the earnings are sufficient to live peacefully at home, ensure there is no trouble feeding the family, and provide a fine education for the children, then one should remain satisfied with that.
The rule is that if thoughts about wealth cease, an abundance of money will come pouring in. Wealth is a result; it is a by-product. Just as if we study well for an exam, we get good marks in the result, similarly, in life, if our main production is to never cause pain to anyone, to offer service and charity, and to maintain pure intentions, then merit karma is bound as a fruit. Through that merit, wealth, happiness, peace, and prosperity naturally arrive.
Ultimately, when Self-realization is attained, all worldly desires automatically fade away. When the Knowledge of the Soul is acquired, one experiences the taste of their own true happiness. True gratification is achieved only after experiencing the indestructible, eternal, and infinite bliss of the Soul. In worldly life, everyone experiences satisfaction from eating, drinking, and indulging, but gratification belongs to only a rare few. In satisfaction, the thought arises again. After having a delicious dessert, one feels satisfied, yet the desire for it remains. In contrast, gratification is attained after Self-realization, and thereafter, no new desires arise ever again.
