Speech is an important tool for interaction in day-to-day life. However, sometimes, knowingly or unknowingly, it gets used in the wrong way and at the wrong place. One such misuse of speech is ninda (backbiting).
Backbitingis a misconduct that easily becomes a part of everyday life. At first, it is difficult to even realize when we are engaging in slander, and even after realizing it, it is very hard to stop or control it. Here, an understanding is provided about the nature of backbiting, the reasons behind it, the risks involved, and how one can come out of it.
What is Backbiting?
Talking about someone personally is called backbiting. It usually happens behind the person’s back, in their absence. Saying anything that may hurt them or make them feel bad also falls under backbiting.
There is a difference between tika (criticizing) and ninda (backbiting). Tika means pointing out someone’s visible faults openly. Whereas, ninda means talking negatively about a person, whether the faults are visible or not, and constantly speaking in a negative way about them.
Signs of Backbiting
All around us, throughout the day, backbiting and gossiping happens constantly. People frequently talk negatively about neighbours, relatives, colleagues at work, as well as national leaders and religious heads. Whenever people have free time, informal gatherings begin, and the backbiting & gossiping starts such as, “So-and-so did this… and did that…”
Such is the nature of the world that it is hard to find someone willing to listen to the truth, but there are plenty who are ready to listen to false or negative talk. In fact, people do not even refrain from speaking ill of someone who has passed away.
Reasons behind Backbiting
When do people speak ill of others the most? It is when they hold a negative opinion about someone. There can be many reasons for forming such opinions. When we’ve been insulted by someone, when things have not gone our way, or when we have faced a loss or been hurt by someone, negative opinions arise. From there, a chain of attachment and abhorrence develops, which eventually expresses itself as backbiting.
Human nature is such that we tend to put others down in order to prove ourselves right and good. To appear better and superior, we speak negatively or use harsh words about others, thereby lowering them in our eyes.
Another and perhaps the biggest reason for backbiting is competition! Competition has helped human beings progress, but from that same competition arises the tendency to speak negatively about others. When used rightly, competition leads to growth; when misused, it leads to backbiting. Wherever there is competition, there is backbiting. People caught in rivalry often try to prove, “I am superior and the other is inferior.” Many times, in an attempt to put someone down or to show that “they are foolish and I know better,” we end up speaking ill of them, revealing more about our own nature than theirs.
In reality, there is inner unhappiness within us, and to find some relief, we engage in speaking ill of others, gossip, or backbiting. A person who speaks ill of others is often unaware of what they are doing. A truly happy person never speaks ill of others or criticizes them.
Dangers of Backbiting
Backbiting is a major obstacle on the spiritual path.
The way the world works is simple: whatever we give is what returns to us. If we speak ill of others, we ourselves become worthy of criticism.
By putting others down to prove ourselves superior, we do not truly rise, nor do we gain any real happiness.
Speaking ill of someone is like exchanging a ten-rupee note and receiving just one rupee in return! Those who engage in backbiting and criticism ultimately incur their own loss. We end up wasting time and energy unnecessarily.
Regarding the dangers of backbiting, Param Pujya Dadashri says, “By backbiting for an hour, a human being binds eight lives as an animal.” By engaging in such behavior, a person continues to wander through the four life-forms of existence. Therefore, backbiting is a very risky transaction. A wise person is one who remains aware of the consequences of such actions.
The environment is filled with subtle particles. Even a single irresponsible word spoken about someone creates vibrations that inevitably reach them.
Within every human being resides God in the form of the pure Soul. To speak ill of others is equivalent to speaking ill of God. It is, in essence, equal to himsa (violence). Speaking ill of someone is as harmful as causing them physical injury.
Backbiting is a violent intent, and it binds demerit karma. If one understands that speaking ill of others is wrong and repents after doing so, the heart becomes purified. However, if one derives pleasure from it, it leads to karmas that result in regression towards a lower life-form.
Param Pujya Dadashri says, “This speech is Saraswati Devi (Goddess of knowledge and speech); backbiting should not be done. If you misuse it, then Lakshmiji (Goddess of wealth) will become displeased. Where there is scornful rejection (tiraskar) and backbiting, wealth will not remain. When will one not receive wealth? It is when he gets involved in gossiping and backbiting about others. Wealth stops coming at that time. One will receive wealth when there is purity of the mind, purity of the body, and purity of speech!” Therefore, one should avoid negative speech, speech that speaks ill of others, and speech that hurts others.” Therefore, one should avoid negative speech, speech that speaks ill of others, and speech that hurts others.
Narsinh Mehta has said that,
“Vaishnav jan to tene re kahiye, je peed paraayi jaane re,
Sakal lokma sahune vande, ninda na kare keni re.”
“A true Vaishnav is the one who understands the pain of others,
Who respects everyone in the world and does not speak ill of anyone.”
Not only a Vaishnav, but a true human being is one who does not engage in speaking ill of anyone. Such a person not only refrains from it but also recognizes the positive qualities in everyone and bows to them for it. When we appreciate the virtues of others, it brings benefit, whereas speaking negatively brings loss to us. However, human beings often lack the awareness of what is truly beneficial or harmful. It is as if they are asleep with their eyes open. By speaking ill of others, they are only harming themselves, knowingly inviting their own loss.
Ways to overcome speaking ill of others
The best way to come out of the habit of backbiting is to engage in positive discussions. Instead of focusing on someone’s negatives and talking about them, we should try to identify their positive qualities and speak about those. When we speak positively about others, it brings genuine inner happiness. Once experienced, this approach should be firmly adopted in life.
If we must speak about someone, we should speak of their good qualities, but never speak negatively. No matter how bad a person may seem, we should not speak ill of them, whether they are alive or even after they have passed away. In this world, it is more worthwhile to look at our own faults and work on improving them.
We should not engage in speaking ill of others ourselves, and if someone comes to us with such talk, we should excuse ourselves or remain silent, but not agree with the negativity. When we have free time, we can engage ourselves in reading or other meaningful activities instead of indulging in such behavior.
If others speak ill of us, we should allow it, not raise objections, and reflect calmly. However, we should not engage in speaking ill of anyone ourselves.
We should never speak negatively about a person who is not present. Even if it happens unintentionally, we should seek forgiveness by praying, “O God, I have spoken negatively and for that I ask for forgiveness. I resolve not to do this again. Give me the strength to uphold this resolve.” Such sincere repentance also helps in avoiding the consequences of speaking ill of others.
