How to help others?

To help others doesn’t necessarily mean to help someone with money alone. We can also help one another with our physical strength, our intellect or even with good behaviour. For example, we can run errands for those in need; if someone is in difficulty, we speak a few kind words to comfort them; If someone needs something, we buy it for them. We can give old clothes to the poor or get a couple of clothes stitched for them. If someone is in trouble, we can give them necessary advice such as, “do this” or “do that.” We don’t give anyone unsolicited advice, but we can offer required understanding to help ease the other person’s suffering.

If we have intelligence, we can help someone in need with that as well. In the earlier times, if there would be a dispute in the village, then the wise people would resolve it by offering understanding to both sides. Not just that, they would even feed a meal to both at their home, send them off happily, and not charge anything in return. Earlier, there were Vaids (Doctors) who would help cure diseases, and whatever fees people would give, they would accept it. But today, the kind of skill one has, the professional knowledge that one has is only used for earning money. There is nothing wrong in that and nowadays, if one does not charge money, then they wouldn’t be able to run the household. Hence, you may take money, but we should keep in mind that the extra should be donated and aim to use our skills to help someone in difficulty.

Also, we should be courteous when helping the poor by giving money. Instead of directly giving money, we should try to reduce their poverty, make the poor people financially independent and raise their standard of living. When we donate cash money, if there is a chance that amount gets wasted on the wrong path of addiction or gambling, we should find an alternate method to help.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that actions are not important, it is our intention that matters. Whether external circumstances are favorable or unfavorable is not in our hands. But to keep an intention of how we can help in any possible way, that is our independent intent.

Dadashri: It is okay if you are not able to do much outwardly, but your bhaav should certainly be, ‘I have money, so I want to lessen someone else’s misery.’ If you have wisdom, then, ‘Even by using my wisdom to explain things to someone, I want to lessen his misery.’ With whatever surplus you have, help others. Otherwise, at the very least, maintain an obliging nature. What does it mean to have an obliging nature? It is the nature to help others!

If one has an obliging nature then his nature would be so wonderful! Simply giving away money is not considered an obliging nature. You may or may not have money. However, your wish, your intention should be, ‘How can I be of help to others?’ If someone has come to your home, then you should have the intention, ‘How can I help him?’ To give away money or not is dependent on your [financial] ability.

It’s not as if money is the only way to oblige others; that is dependent upon the capacity of the giver. You simply have to maintain the intent in your mind that, ‘How can I oblige others?’ You only have to ensure that this much prevails. 

Start selfless service from home!

Every person who has set out to serve people and help others should first take care of their family, and then help outside people. Running off to help other people and society and missing our responsibilities at home, resulting in an increase in fights and quarrels, should be avoided at all cost. There is no meaning of helping others where we are doing good for the entire town, but people in our own house are hungry. Rather, our behavior should be such that everybody at home is happy and they voluntarily ask us, “Please go; help the society.” If we’ve taken full care of all our responsibilities and then go out to help others, and yet family members take an objection, then we must explain to them our perspective and purpose with love.

Benevolence should start from home. At home, we boss around, we behave in a manner that causes inconvenience and pain to others, and outside, we help others, which also is not right. Especially, children and youth run outside to volunteer for different social service activities, but fail to do take care

 of their own little chores at home, then that’s not the right way of helping others.

For good or bad people, keep the same benevolence

Just like a mango tree does not eat its own fruits, rose plant does not enjoy its own flowers, a neem tree does not enjoy its own shade, similarly, if human being’s mind-speech-body are spent not for one’s own selfish interest, but rather for helping others, then that’s the best. But in humans, intellect is developed, and hence when helping others, there remains discrimination between good and bad.

A tree, while giving their fruits and flowers, does not see whether the person approaching it is a rogue or a saint. It helps everyone equally. Similarly, we also must not see whether the other person is good or bad. Even if the other person reciprocates our kindness with ruthlessness, we should not hold ourselves back in helping them, that’s the right way of helping people. At that time, one should not complain, “I helped so much, yet no one helped me when I needed it, instead, they put me in trouble.”

When someone throws a stone at the mango tree or strikes it with an axe, it gives the mango fruit. Similarly, no matter what type of accusations come, people insult or ignore, yet one does not leave the nature of helping others, then that being’s life is elevated. In short, the one helping others does not see the understanding of the other person. Rather, he harnesses an intention that whoever meets me must experience happiness.

Have a clean intent behind the Seva-Paropkar

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that, “Service is when you are doing the work and I do not even know. That is called seva (service). It should be silent service. If [others] come to know, then it is not considered service.”

Behind our genuine willingness to help others, our intention must be clean. There should be no expectation of fame, pride, prestige or glory behind it. Many times, behind doing social service or service of other people, inside there is greed for procuring respect, enhancing one’s recognition in society or for gaining fame. A person who is a true public servant has no possessions of any kind, nor does he have any tendency to accumulate things. On one hand we keep expectations for honour and fame and on the other hand we engage in helping others, how can the two go together? One who doesn’t seek recognition and who keeps helping others with a pure intention, has no expectation of reciprocation, their fame automatically keeps spreading in the world.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says that, “Service to the public should be done from the heart; if it is from the heart, then it will reach everywhere. If public service and publicity (prakhyati) come together, then it puts a person in difficulty. If service to the public is done without fame, then it is genuine. Fame will indeed come [through word of mouth], however it should be such that one does not have any desire for fame.”

Central to any task of helping others, where any such selfish intentions are present, like, “I only am doing this,” “How can I gain more respect?”, “How do I become happy?”, “What I decide, must be done”, “My comfort should be taken care of” then they are harming only oneself. One should help others, with an intention that how others can be helped in the best manner, and not with the narrow-mindedness that how I or my family benefits out of it.

Do not have ego in altruism

Narsinh Mehta has written that a true Vaishnav is one who,

“helps others in their suffering without bringing pride into his mind!”

After helping someone, one’s behaviour becomes arrogant, establishing our power and authority over that person, boasting that, “I am helping people”, etc. are not signs of true benevolence. By doing so, the pure spirit of altruism gets tarnished.

There should be no ego involved in acts of charity or in doing something good. However, it is natural for ego to arise. At that time, it should be addressed. If ego arises for the good deed done and when we realize that, we should say to whichever deity or God we have faith in, "Oh God, I don't want to have ego, yet it still arises, so please forgive me!"

Preserve the purpose behind helping others

Behind every action, there is a purpose. Whatever skill we have, the knowledge we have, we should maintain the purpose of helping others through it. For example, if we have studied medicine, the purpose we maintain should be that of helping people during their sickness. If we’ve studied law, our goal should be to help people come out of difficulties. If we are a teacher, then along with education, nurturing good values in children should be our aim. However nowadays, everyone’s objective has become that of how to earn more money.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan explains the importance of the purpose behind actions, that where the primary objective is that of earning money, one incurs loss there; and where the primary aim is to help others, money will automatically come.

Dadashri: Every work has an intention as to why that work is being done! If a noble intention is decided upon, which means for example, if one wants to build a hospital with the intention that, ‘How can patients attain good health? How can they become happy? How can they experience joy? How can their vitality power increase?’ If you have decided upon such a noble intention and if that work is carried out with the sole intent to serve, then what is the by-production of that? Money (Lakshmi)! Therefore, money is a by-product; do not consider it the main ‘production’. The entire world has made just money its main ‘production’, and that is why people do not get the benefit of the by-production.

So, if you decide solely on the intent to serve, then as a by-product, even more money will come. Therefore, if you keep money as a by-product only, then more money will come. Instead, people are doing this work with the intention to earn money; that is why money does not come. That is why I am telling you to set this intention, ‘the constant intent to serve,’ then the by-product will keep coming on its own.

In this era, the purpose gets forgotten. Where one has given a huge amount of donation to study in medicine, so then to recover those expenses, the intention to earn money from the patients arises. Treating poor patients anyhow and treating a wealthy patient with extra care, that discrimination arises. In every profession, such tendencies arise.

Whether job or business, whatever we may be doing, if we set earning money as our primary objective, then we shall face obstacles in receiving that very money. In order to earn money if we engage in the behavior of misconduct or corruption, we will bind such karmas that we won’t even be able to secure a job in the next life. Therefore, instead of competing with each other and engaging in dishonest and unfair practices, we should determine a clear purpose of our life and remain committed to it.

Obstacles may come when walking on the path of helping others. If we have helped someone, it could happen that they hurt us in return. At that time, we must maintain an unwavering faith in helping others. If we help someone once and the other person harms us in return, then we should not say, “Doing good brought me harm!”, and stop being kind in the future. When facing difficulties while trying to do good, we should not let go of our faith in altruism.

When the faith in helping others diminishes, a fear arises that, “If I give away, won’t I lose what’s mine?” Owing to the greed for earning money and fame, we hesitate spending for others. Moreover, driven by the desire to obtain more and the desire to show off, one begins to engage in corruption, dishonesty and unfair practices. At that point, we must remember that doing so shall lead to such problems that we shall not be able to secure bread in the next birth. By maintaining integrity and helping others now, we will find peace in this life and also bind merit karma for the next life. But by doing adulteration, we invite danger, both for this life and the next.

Once we have decided to use our life for the benefit of others, if we face internal or external obstacles, then we should understand that we had done wrong in the past, the fruit of which we are yielding right now. Just like, if we had sowed millet in the past, we harvest millet now. But today, if we plant seeds of wheat, then we shall reap wheat in future. If we help others with a true heart, it will undoubtedly bring us rewards in future. This only is the hidden science.