How to Control Sexual Desire

When sexual desires and impulses arise within us at a very fast pace, we look for quick solutions to get rid of them. However, those solutions do not last for long, because it is not possible to control sexual desires through a quick fix. It requires thorough understanding, a lot of patience, internal steadiness, and most importantly, a firm commitment.

‘Prevention is better than cure’

By distancing yourself from the very things that cause the impulses in the first place. In other words, you should not look at images, watch videos, or read stories that are of a sexual nature. When you engage in any of these activities, they cause the multiplication of sexual impulses by tenfold, making it harder to control the desires.

Avoid any eye contact with people of the opposite sex and avoid touching at all costs. Avoid the company of people or friends that encourage sexuality, even jokingly. You never know when you might agree with them.

Let us see what advice and understanding Param Pujya Dadashri provides in His own words:

“As far as sex is concerned, the more one enjoys it, the more intense a burning desire will arise. Then sex will alight even more. Whatever happiness one enjoys, the thirst for it will increase. The thirst increases due to enjoyment. The thirst will go away by not indulging in it. That is called trushna (a thirst; strong desire). By not getting involved in the sexual act, one may become uneasy and unsettled for a month or two. However loss of familiarity is the key. With loss of familiarity, one will completely forget sexuality." He also advises you to, “Stay as far away from the company of those who are likely to trap you in sexuality, because if you get trapped even once, you will keep on getting into trap after trap. Therefore run! You must run as far away from that person as possible. You would not slip if you leave the place where there are chances of slipping.” 

In addition, prolonging sexual thoughts and fantasizing how you can enjoy it, will also make the impulses stronger. Therefore, a person should remain alert and not let any sexual thought continue for more than a second.

But how do you stop these thoughts or impulses in the first place? Through analysis and study of what sexuality actually is. This includes completely devaluing the object of attraction (i.e. the person, thoughts, body parts, etc.) to zero. You can do this by thinking about all the ways that the pleasure derived from sexuality is merely illusory, not real, and only temporary. When you are indulging in some form of sexuality, you tend to forget how filthy the human body actually is. For instance, you forget that every pore and opening in our body releases waste, which looks and smells awful. If faeces, sweat, and other discharge smell so bad, imagine how it would be inside the body. In addition, if there is real pleasure and happiness in physical contact and touch, then there should be pleasure even when your skin has an open wound or rash, but that is not the case. Furthermore, any form of dependency is the cause of suffering in this world, so how can dependency on someone else be the reason for happiness?

First Line of Defense

Once you have distanced yourself from sexuality and analyzed that there is no happiness in it, what do you when sexual impulses arise within you?

This is a list of tips and tricks on how to control sexual desires or impulses as soon as they arise:

• Interrupt the link of sexual thoughts as soon as they arise in the mind. You can do this by changing the activity you are doing, changing your focus, thinking about some other work.
• The moment any sexual thoughts arise within, pluck it immediately and throw it away. The plant of sex is the only one which if it becomes a little bigger, then it will not leave. Hence it needs to be pulled out from its very roots the moment it sprouts.
• Picture the human body without skin. It is not a pretty sight. This practice is done not to create hatred, but to understand and get the real picture of the human body, so that we do not get attracted to it.
• If you make eye contact with anyone who arouses impulses of sexuality within you, you should immediately look away and change the inner visual link. Otherwise, the sexual seedling will grow. Therefore, it is best to eradicate it by asking for forgiveness immediately.
• Ask for forgiveness by doing pratikraman for the desires that are occurring now and the ones that have occurred previously. The thoughts that are arising right now are sprouting from the knot of sexuality that was formed previously. Since this knot has not been removed, the thoughts will continue to come in some form.
• If you get attracted to or are sexually tempted by a certain person, you have to ask for strength for practicing celibacy (brahmacharya) from the Soul of that person, by saying, ‘O pure Soul! Give me the strength to maintain my celibacy (brahmacharya) with the entire world’. It is good if you ask for strength from Dada Bhagwan (the God within you), but it is best to ask directly from the Soul of the person towards whom you are attracted.
• Apply Param Pujya Dadashri’s unique key of Three Vision to stop any sexual impulses as soon as they arise. In this, three-step vision, one visualizes the person towards whom one is attracted, as naked in the first ‘vision’, without skin in the second ‘vision’, and with all the inner organs exposed in the third ‘vision’. The aim of doing so is to see the non-Self complex, as it is. Once applied the person no longer remains a reason for attraction.
• As soon as sexual impulses arise keep on reciting the following prayer: "Dear God! Give me infinite inner strength not to have, cause someone to have, nor encourage anyone to have any sexual desires, feelings, or gestures towards any living being, be it male, female, or of neutral gender. Give me the supreme strength to be free from all sexual desires, forever." The desires occur now because of our previous opinion that there is happiness in sexuality. By reciting the prayer above and asking for strength, we destroy the opinion and ask for the desires to not arise in the future.

Depending on the intensity and the type of impulses you have, you may need to use multiple keys at the same time or you may find some keys work better in some situations while others in other situations. Trick is not to get overwhelmed if one key does not work, you should be ready to use another key instantly. The battle is never lost; you just have to keep finding new ways of fighting.

Because of indifference towards sensual pleasures, the control (saiyam) over sexual desires and impulses that arise, will last forever. This indifference can only occur through detailed contemplation about how the happiness derived through sensual pleasures is only illusory. Rather than thinking about things that pull us more towards sexuality, we should think about all the consequences of being entrapped in sensual pleasures, and all the benefits and importance of brahmacharya (celibacy).

Click here to learn about the benefits of practicing celibacy.

Click here to know the importance of practicing celibacy.

The ultimate step to get rid of sexual desires

The ultimate step for getting rid of sexual desires is to understand with conviction that there is no happiness in any form of sexuality in any way. In order to achieve this, one has to taste the bliss that is higher than that derived from sexual pleasures. That bliss can only be attained from one’s own Pure Soul. To experience the bliss of the Pure Soul, a person must attain Self Realization from the living Gnani Purush.

Click here to learn more about Self Realization.