Sun 23 Aug
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Gurupurnima in Phoenix, Arizona
Sun, Jul 26
to Jul 31
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Questioner: My wife feels bad if her
faults are pointed out to her, but she also feels bad if I do not
Dadashri: No, no, no, she will not feel
bad. If you do not point out her mistakes, she herself will tell
you that the soup is salty and why did you not say anything? That
is when you tell her that you do not have to say anything about
what she would have found out eventually. Instead what happens is,
'This soup is too salty!' and there will be a look of disgust on
your face. You foolish man, what kind of a man are you? How can one
keep you as a husband? Such husbands need to be thrown out! Such
weak husbands! Is she not able to see this mistake
herself that you have to cause discord? Why hurt her
unnecessarily? She will think to herself, 'don't you
think I know that? He is always criticizing me. He hurts me all the
time'. Our people deliberately point out mistakes that
are minor and easily apparent and that is the reason why this life
is so full of clashes. What do you think? So what is
the objection in thinking a little on this point?
Questioner: If we point out such mistakes,
then she would not make the same mistake again, would she?
Dadashri: Oh ho! So that you can have a
reason to preach! Yes, there is nothing wrong in pointing out the
mistakes. What I am telling you is that you point out
their mistake, if only they appreciate you doing so, 'It's
a good thing you pointed out my mistake, I was not aware of it'.
Sister, do you appreciate it when he points your routine
Dadashri: What is the point in
showing her the mistake, which she is already aware
of? If there is something wrong with the cooking,
then will she not know this when she eats the meal herself? So
there is no need for us to say anything. If she is not aware of her
mistake and then you point it out to her, she may appreciate it. It
is only Indian men who do this. When I used to live on the third
floor of a house in Santacruz Bombay, tea used to be brought up to
me. Some days they forgot to put sugar in the tea. I would drink
it, telling Dada within, 'Sahib, put some sugar in this tea', and
so Dada will do so. So I will drink the tea even if there was no
sugar in it. Interference was not my
nature. Then later on they will be rushing around to
bring the sugar. I would ask 'Why did you bring sugar?' They would
say 'Why did you not ask for sugar, the tea was not sweet?' I would
reply, 'Why do I need to tell you?' Do you understand what I am
Quotes by Param Pujya Dadashri: 1) Not
allowing discord even for a minute, that is true husband. Just as
the relation with a friend we do not let ruined, one should be
equally careful with the wife. Our friendship with a friend will
end if we do not protect it.
2) When is one considered to have learnt to become a
husband? It is when the wife continuously experiences veneration
(respect) for him.
3) If the other person makes a mistake, it has no
value; but if a clash occurs (with someone), there are serious
consequences. God does not exist where there is clash.
4) If we clash with anyone, then it is our own
Reference: Book Name
: "Harmony in marriage"
(Page #35 and paragraph #2).
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