Questioner: My wife feels bad if her faults are pointed out to her, but she also feels bad if I do not say anything!
Dadashri: No, no, no, she will not feel bad. If you do not point out her mistakes, she herself will tell you that the soup is salty and why did you not say anything? That is when you tell her that you do not have to say anything about what she would have found out eventually. Instead what happens is, 'This soup is too salty!' and there will be a look of disgust on your face. You foolish man, what kind of a man are you? How can one keep you as a husband? Such husbands need to be thrown out! Such weak husbands! Is she not able to see this mistake herself that you have to cause discord? Why hurt her unnecessarily? She will think to herself, 'don't you think I know that? He is always criticizing me. He hurts me all the time'. Our people deliberately point out mistakes that are minor and easily apparent and that is the reason why this life is so full of clashes. What do you think? So what is the objection in thinking a little on this point?
Questioner: If we point out such mistakes, then she would not make the same mistake again, would she?
Dadashri: Oh ho! So that you can have a reason to preach! Yes, there is nothing wrong in pointing out the mistakes. What I am telling you is that you point out their mistake, if only they appreciate you doing so, 'It's a good thing you pointed out my mistake, I was not aware of it'. Sister, do you appreciate it when he points your routine mistakes?
Dadashri: What is the point in showing her the mistake, which she is already aware of? If there is something wrong with the cooking, then will she not know this when she eats the meal herself? So there is no need for us to say anything. If she is not aware of her mistake and then you point it out to her, she may appreciate it. It is only Indian men who do this. When I used to live on the third floor of a house in Santacruz Bombay, tea used to be brought up to me. Some days they forgot to put sugar in the tea. I would drink it, telling Dada within, 'Sahib, put some sugar in this tea', and so Dada will do so. So I will drink the tea even if there was no sugar in it. Interference was not my nature. Then later on they will be rushing around to bring the sugar. I would ask 'Why did you bring sugar?' They would say 'Why did you not ask for sugar, the tea was not sweet?' I would reply, 'Why do I need to tell you?' Do you understand what I am saying?
1) Not allowing discord even for a minute, that is true husband. Just as the relation with a friend we do not let ruined, one should be equally careful with the wife. Our friendship with a friend will end if we do not protect it.
2) When is one considered to have learnt to become a husband? It is when the wife continuously experiences veneration (respect) for him.
3) If the other person makes a mistake, it has no value; but if a clash occurs (with someone), there are serious consequences. God does not exist where there is clash.
4) If we clash with anyone, then it is our own weakness only.
Book Name: Harmony in Marriage (Page #35 and Paragraph #2)