Background
I am Hemant Mehta
from Mumbai aged 27 year and am a software engineer by profession.
I am a Jain by birth. In my family, my mother used to do all the
Jain rituals (going to temple, Samayik/Pratikraman,
pooja, fasting etc).
Till age of 24
belief was that different religions have different gods and we
being Jain have Mahavir Swami as our God. He takes care of Jains.
So used to go temple occasionally and recite Navkar mantra without
knowing its meaning. Used to fast on the last day of Paryushan
Parva because everyone used to do it. That was all about religious
activity. Then got married and wife was very much inclined to
Jainism rituals and fasting. At that point of time questions
started sprouting in mind. Why all this fasting? What's the
fundamental science behind all this?
I started reading
about Jainism on Internet, subscribed to mailing lists and started
asking questions. This went on for months and got a glimpse of the
Vitraag Dharma. I found Jainism
very scientific and rational. But still it was all at
intellectual level and just in theory. And there was always a
feeling of dissatisfaction that something is missing. The puzzle
continued.
My search on
internet one day took me to www.dadabhagwan.org site and I happened
to download the book Fault Is Of The
Sufferer . Immediately after reading the book, there was an
inner feeling that Yes this is it. This is what I had been
searching for. That very moment I had surrendered to Dada. Got
completely convinced that these words are from heart and not
intellectual. Subsequently, found out details of satsang and took
Gnan on 10th Feb. '2002.
Soon after
Gnan
Immediately after
Gnan I felt if nothing has happened. I was expecting something out
of the world to happen. But the same didn't happen. I got
demoralized thinking what went wrong. Should I take Gyan
again? But I didn't have a iota of doubt regarding Dada's
Gnan. Then as days passed Gnan started showing its power. Automatic
pratikramans started happening.
The world started looking innocent. Also during free moments
automatically, "I am Shuddhatma"
used to start internally.
In the months
that followed the Gnan
I am Shuddhatma
used to be there only in words and somehow, I was not experiencing
the separateness from body. There were loads of intellectual
questions. Even after reading Aptavanis, asking questions, reading
other books I was not getting satisfactory answers. But I continued
attending satsang and reading Aptavanis. Over a period of time, I
started getting answers from within inside and the separateness
from body also started getting stronger. Answers started
coming automatically with Anubhav ... growing inner experience ...
and realized that the same was not possible with intellect. At that
point of time, felt from within inside that "I am Hemant" belief
has been completely fractured.
External
experience: in your interpersonal relationships, home and life
around you .
Dwesh/abhaav has
disappeared to a large extent. And if it does happen, instant
pratikramans happen. Previously I had the habit of arguing a lot
and trying to prove my point but now even that has reduced.
Any unresolved
issues after Gnan.
If any, its my own
ajagruti ....trying very best to be as much as possible in Dada's Agnas.
~ Hemant Mehta , Mumbai, India
